For: Mr. Fizzlepocket J.R.F.M.R. Tweek II
- - by Kyanali
My Dear Mr. Fizzlepocket:http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g234/Kya_Nali/KyaFlyer2.jpg
In trying to ascertain my best prospects for sales, I came across your name as being one of the most wealthiest men in all the land. You were referred to me by an individual who shall, for now, remain nameless. She said you were "full of it" and so, naturally, I assumed you were loaded. Mind you, I am not out just for your benevolence and financial wizardry. I recall a time when you nearly stumbled into a door one night while I was sitting by the firelight. I thought to myself, there is a man with his head so far up in the clouds that he cannot even pay attention to his feet.
I've not had an intelligent conversation in months with any of the male species and it is, therefore, your obligation to redeem the hope that your gender might ever have. For if you are not able, then who the Fel is?
Enclosed please find a preliminary mailer for the land we are selling.
Perhaps we could meet at your convenience; unless, of course, you are still locked away for your shenanigans?
Gray Tiger Shipping & Freight Co.
To Miss Nali from FizzlepocketEdit
If I am not able to somehow get your cerebrium all a twitter with my sweet, bassy speaking voice, my sharp wit and my gods given charm, grace and charisma, not only would I feel as if I failed you (As the self proclaimed "Sexiest Gnome Alive" I have an obligation, wouldn't you know), but quite frankly, you youself would be beyond saving.
But you are correct on your first and second presumptions, I have in fact been thinking about buying some land and... although all plans I had to save Knockers have all but fallen through thanks to this banishment (Read - Not Imprisonment) and I couldn't find the energy or muster the strength to rebuild Knockers now if I tried, I can't say I'm not intrigued by such an offer for residential purposes. I would greatly appreciate it if you could perhaps send me some information concerning the size and prices of these properties, though I recommend sending it towards my P.O. box in Stormwind at this point, rather than the address in Lakeshire.
I can't talk to you face to face for quite some time, as I'm busy breaking the law and risking ACTUAL imprisonment, but I do wish to meet soon, face to face, to discuss such matters as this in great length and detail.
Fizzlepocket James Rodriguez Fernando Martinez Ricardo Tweek the II
And obnoxious freeloader.
Mr. F.J.R.F.M.R. Tweek the II from Ky NaliEdit
Mr. F.J.R.F.M.R. Tweek the II,
Well now, I don't recall asking to be seduced into a quivering jellied cerebrum *laughs softly* and I am quite sure you are most charming indeed. Your pictures alone merit come kind of star-like status in a land where drooling females await something less than the proverbial man in shining armor to come complete them. (I did not seek them out, mind you. They were brought to my attention by a mutual acquaintance, shall we say, who was trying to warn me of your finer chauvinistic qualities.) Who am I, after all, to knock a gnome off his high and mighty podium? I wonder, *tapping her finger to her cheek in thought* is that similar to the theory of small men on large mounts and large men on small ones? Luckily, I don't seek knights nor pin-up kings, and I am quite sure you are truly a very sensitive and wise man deep down below that astounding moustache of yours.
Ah, but I digress. I don't intend to deflate you in the least as men who need deflating typically do that very well on their own, don't you agree? I was hoping a man as successful and well-known (notice I did not say notorious) as you would emanate profound flexibility (no dear, NOT physically) in discussing things such as: the price of tea at the Jester now that Dame Felena's special orders have become all the rage, or perhaps the finer qualities of mooncloth over and above felcloth? Perchance you've got a theory on why Wendall has successfully left behind a less than stellar reputation and now overcome it to grace our dear Librarian, Mirabela, with a glow that would outshine any full moon.
I'd like someone, for once, to teach me the physics of applying a fire to the exact spot on the ground so as not to burn your guests feet! I need this knowledge so I can successfully prove once and for all to Mr. Jiang, that I can outplace his fires anytime, anywhere! You might even have some ideas on the apparent resurgence of the Hounds, now back under the steady hand of Dugald, and why their spies are shadowing Tigers throughout the wilds lately. I've heard it uttered around the land of late that there is no hospitality to newcomers wishing to find an acceptable voice in this microcosmic existence that persons of fame such as yourself are, in fact, too tight of a clique to even hope to interact with. I find that impossible to believe since you have welcomed my propelling nosiness into your busy schedule with such tolerance and open-mindedness.
Ah, yes, I see beyond that hard core image of trickery you try so hard to cultivate, and if you would stop breaking the law for half a second, you might even look in the mirror and notice someone who is tired of banishments and wants simply to live a grandiose life of baked salmon and mystery stew atop his penthouse suite overlooking a canal. I know an absolutely astounding cook by the way. Her name is Helenn and she prepares the most delectable bits of art I have ever had the pleasure of tasting. Someone with such wisdom, skill and heart like hers needs a chain of restaurants flashing her glory, don't you agree?
Let me propose this, Mr. Tweek - I am currently contacting our architect to assist in drawing up plans specifically for you. I gather from your note that you are interested most in Penthouses. What I need to know from you are the specifications you desire in an ideal residence. If you can list what you desire, we can have it built. I am assuming money is no object here. Pricing will come included with the plans, of course.
Grey Tiger Shipping & Freight Co.