- - by Razas
Chapter 4: Strategy
We find ourselves again in the burning city of Stratholme, and see our ferocious friends picking themselves up after a particularly brutal beat down by another ten man team of do-gooders.
Albert: One thousand. I think that's the one thousandth time we've been smacked down by these darn living people. This is killing me. I haven't killed a single guy in days. I feel like they're just coming here to mock us.
Tony: Yeah, it is getting kind of old. You guys ever think of trying to like ... talk strategy or something, instead of just go after the one that hits us the most?
Alex: I'm afraid I have to refrain from contributing to this conversation. It goes against my pacifistic principles. I'm a lover, not a fighter.
Jeff: Yeah, whatever, Alex. They still kill you no matter what.
Alex: Eventually, they will learn that pacifism is the only way to go!
Jeff: Suuuurreee.... and I'm Jaina Proudmoore. I blast you with fire of arcaneness! *makes fiery spell casting noises*
Tony: Quit playin' around, Jeff. I'm serious here. We need to start being more careful on who we attack.
Jeff: Ok, ok.
Albert: Ok, why do we always attack the one in the most armor? Not the smartest idea, it seems.
Jeff: Plate armor ... shiiiiiiiinnnyyy ... must smash shiny ... *sliver of drool runs down his mouth*
Tony: Jeff ... Jeff! Snap out of it!
Tony: You cannot be overcome by the shininess of the armor. Though, very true, it is very shiiiny, sooo tempting. *Tony shakes his head vigorously* No! Must not give in to the shiny!
Albert: You guys give into the shininess of armor? I always attack the one in armor cause of the things they shout. They are very hurtful. The last one called my mother the son of a ogre! An ogre!
Jeff and Tony stare at Albert.
Albert: WHaaaaat? I have family issues, all right? I'm very sensitive about my family. *Sniffs*
Jeff: Dude, didn't you EAT them?
Albert: Yes. I was very attached to them, and I still am.
Tony: Riiiiight. Anyway, I think we should go after the ones that aren't wearing incredibly hard metals.
Albert: We should go after the ones in the dresses.
Jeff: You know, that's not a half bad idea. The ones in the dresses are always spitting fire or shadow or healing the guys in the armor.
Tony: Ok, it's agreed. We'll attack the ones in the dresses next time. We shall ignore the shiny, and taunts against our families, all right?
Jeff and Albert: Will do!
Alex: I can't believe you guys are actually planning this out. You need to just let them go right on by, and everything will be fine.
Albert: Has that ever ... EVER worked for you, Alex?
Alex: Well ... no ... but ... it will someday!
Tony: Oh! Here comes the magistrate! C'moooon group of five! Everyone pray to Arthas for a group of five!
An hour passes, and the group sees ... a group of five coming down the street!
Albert: Oh Praise Arthas. A group of five. I think I might cry.
Tony: Ah! Calm down, calm down, we're not done yet. Remember, attack the ones in the dresses. And in order to resist the call of the shiny ... attack the one in the brightest colored dress.
Jeff: Right. Got it. No shiny no shiny no shiny no shiny...
Alex: You guys ... so uncivilized.
Tony: Waaait for it. Waaaaiit for it...
Albert gets shot in the head.
Albert: Ok, No more waiting! RAGGAGGAGGAGAG!
The three ghouls run forward. Jeff trips, but manages to keep his footing. Albert leads the charge, but starts hitting the warrior when the warrior shouts out something about Albert's Mom and a Tauren in odd positions. Tony and Jeff, however, go after the priest and start wailing on him.
Tony: Albert! The one in the dress, over here! Shiny dress!
Albert: NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY MOMMA THAT WAY!
Tony: Crap, he's los- *GASP!*
Tony, having been distracted for a moment, took his eyes off the priest. The priest, trying to defend himself, threw a vicious and fairly well-aimed kick to Tony's most precious possessions.
Tony: Dear ... Arthas ... lost ... reason ... existing ...
Albert: Oh, you can't do that to Tony!
Albert leaps onto the priest, ignoring the warrior. Enraged by the loss of Tony, the two ghouls tear apart the priest. Alex is soon seen with the Jeff and Albert, and the three give the smackdown to the rest of the five man group.
Jeff: Alex, I thought you were a pacifist.
Alex: Moral outrage. Even though I don't like Tony, that was just a low blow.
Albert: Yeah. Tony, you going to be ok?
Tony: Losing ... consciousness ... air ... hard to breathe ... no ... reason ... to ... continue.
Jeff: First off, we don't breathe. Second, stop being a wuss.
Tony: Shut ... up ... have to talk ... in dramatic ... pauses ... sacrifice ... not in vain ... we won.
Albert: Yep, we actually did it. I'm so happy I could do almost anything. Tony, for your sacrifice ...
Albert goes over to the bloody stain on the ground that was the five man group, and comes back with the head of the priest that nailed Tony.
Albert: Here. Eat up!
Tony: Thank ... you ... I think ... I'd like to be ... alone ... with my pain ... for now. Can't ... let the women ... see what happened.
The ghouls laugh, and lead Tony back to their normal spot, smiles abound on each of the ghouls.
The three: WHO'S THE GHOUL? TONY'S THE GHOUL! HOO AH! FRESH MEAT ON US! COME ON DOWN!
Tony: You ... jackasses ...
Roaring laughter is heard, zoom out of the city of Stratholme.
End The Ghouls Chapter 4: Strategy