Mind and Soul
- - by Sunya
Sunya sighed as she pulled off her black leathers and threw them on the table that made up the north wall of her room. Flopping down in the large easy chair by the bed, she let her mind wander as she often did after a job. She had returned the merchant's money and assured him that all was well - and no, he was not in trouble for the lost money, and no, she wasn’t charging extra for the recovery. Shaking her head, she tried but failed to contain her amusement at the image of the fat little fellow in his nightgown. Giggling, she hugged herself and let the laughter wash over her, welcoming its warmth. Looking out the open window she saw the sun slowly beginning to rise, almost as elegant as the light that slowly poured down over slowly rousing city.
A column of smoke rose from the dwarven district, but the fire had long burnt out, and hardly anything of note found by the guard, she had waited to be sure of that much. She thought back on the night’s events and, like always, she tried to conjure up feelings of guilt or sadness at what she had done. And, as usual, failed to spark anything other than satisfaction from a job well done. Sunya sighed as her smile faded, just another reminder of her past, and her bleaker looking future. She had family, but that’s all she had--no love, no hope filled her as it did others. She liked her family and would die for them but still she couldn’t identify any love for them. As long as she could remember, and even now, she always held her emotions close to her chest. She remembered the last time she had actually cried, after a trip to Blackrock Mountain that had left her questioning herself, her very soul.
She shook her head, clearing away the memory and storing it into her inner closet, slamming the door shut against the pain that threatened it escape if she let herself go. Her thoughts turned to her newly found sister, someone who she never even realized she had missed until the day she found her. Sunya let her mind roam freely, considering all the work she missed, the conversations she heard, even the sounds of two young lovers she had overheard when stalking her targets that evening. Finally her mind came to rest on her birthday, just a few days had passed and she had forgotten until Kya had asked her at the keep. Another year older, yet somehow she did not feel 20; more like 100, or more.
She looked over at the full body mirror across the room, used almost exclusively for making sure armor repairs were correct, and the armor was on correctly. She couldn’t remember the last time she actually used it to groom her hair. Sunya held her hands up and looked at all the scars crisscrossing them, almost like a spider web in complexity. She rubbed her hands up her arms and down her legs, tracing the scars that marked her she felt almost cursed. No remorse, guilt, hopes… no soul, and it marked her outside as well as inside and a pain welled up inside that almost consumed her. She shook her head and reinforced her will and drove it back and went to stand in front of the mirror.
She was attractive, yet she couldn’t ever see herself with a man, not anymore. She was a creature of destruction and she had a purpose. She had a family; she would do anything and everything in her power to protect it. Deep inside she knew there was nothing she wouldn’t do for the tong, she would murder the helpless, and sacrifice her life if it furthered its goals and purpose. Sunya stared at herself in the mirror, battling her inner self until she regained her composure and turned to her bed. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she laid down, another battle won…
..or perhaps lost, against herself.