Molten Core: Kindergarten Style
- --by Kopfjagger
- Cast of Characters:
- SuzyQ: Troll Priest
- Kenny: Orc Warrior
- Ironbinky: Forsaken Warrior
- Frosty: Forsaken Mage
- Angus: Tauren Warrior
More to come, Im sure
Chapter 1: Gathering the ForcesEdit
Through a very clever and well devised plan, the morning Kindergarten class from Grom Gol Day Care managed to convince the flight master to send them all to Kargath instead of Booty Bay. This was the beginning of an adventure that these young kids will remember for the rest of their lives.
These average kindergartners have been secretly questing and gaining power during the entire school year. Their parents cared little as long as their precious ones werent home during the day. For all the unsuspecting parents knew, this kindergarten simply lasted all day. Are these little hordelings clever enough for Molten Core? They, at least, are willing to find out.
The trip from Kargath to Molten Core was a tricky one. It was made easier considering that nearly the entire raid group could fit on a single Kodo. Cheers could be heard in the desolate wastelands they rode through. Tiny little voices piped up with cries of Wheee, dis is sooo much fuun and I cant wait for myyyyyyyy epic mownt. If one was looking closely, they would see glee and rapture on these young faces and a little pouting as well.
Once the young ones snuck into Black Rock Mountain, not a word escaped their lips. Eyes wide with anticipation and more than a little fear, they snaked their way down the chain that spanned the boiling lava below.
Dont wook down, spoke a fierce looking little forsaken warrior named Ironbinky. If you wook down, you may fawl and dat wood be bad.
I think its pwetty! piped SuzyQ. The tiny troll priestess made a sound of rapture as she crawled across the chain. She had decided that standing was too high up, but crawling was much better.
Look! called out Angus, a huge tauren man-child. A dwagon! And its Hu-mongleous! He snorted and shook his head for no apparent reason. The other toddlers were used to this strange behavior. Ironbinky grabbed the taurens nose ring and pulled.
Dont wowwy, ya big sissy. Its too far away to hurt us. Gasping at the bulk he was tugging, Ironbinky did his best to yank the stubborn bull-boy across the chain. Soon, all forty little hordelings were down the chain and standing in front of the Night Elf that guarded the passage into Molten Core.
Ironbinky strode up to the towering elf, one hand holding up his pants, the other wrapped firmly in his pillow er, shield. Mistah ewf. It has come to my attention dat you are indeed da pewson dat guards this here passage into mowtahn cow. Is dat not so?
The tall, lanky elf blinked as he looked down at the two and a half foot tall forsaken child. Ironbinky began to pace around the tall elf, making the elf turn to face him. As the elf began to speak, thirty nine little hordelings leapt out the window behind the elfs turned back.
Yes young one, I am he. You are too small to enter. Do you not see the grey exclamation point over my head? This should tell you that, although someday you may be ready, that day is not now.
Ironbinky just stood there as he watched the hordelings pile in through the window. The elf took this pause to mean that the youngling before him was pondering his words. Smiling, the elf knelt down for the first time in many long years. A great creaking was heard as stiff joints gave way and popped.
You are a cute little dead-ite. What is your name, youngling?
Ironbinky! challenged the tiny Forsaken. He then kicked the elf in the shin and lept through the open window.
Chapter 2: First PullEdit
The hordeling raid group was fully assembled at the entrance of Molten Core. Towering in front of them were two incredibly huge Molten Giants. These, by far, are the largest enemies the hordelings have ever faced. A very long pause settled over the group.
Awright, I am gunna be da mastah wooter, proclaimed Ironbinky.
The mention of loot got everyones attention off of the Molten Giants and back onto themselves; for the moment at least. A debate raged.
How come you get to be mastah wooter? I think we should wole for eberyting. Okay, piped Ironbinky. Can anyone here count to one hundwid? He paused for his words to sink in. Anyone? I didnt think so. Im mastah wooter. He fought the urge to stick his tongue out. He was, after all, master looter.
Okay, now, started Ironbinky. The way this works is weewy quite simple. Angus, you go beat on one of em, Kenny will beat on da ovah one. Everyone will kiwl Kennys giant and den we will switch to Anguss. Evewyone dat can heal, you need to heal Angus so he doesnt die. Okay?
Im thirsty. I need that glowy thingy dat the priests do. How long until we get stawted? I am *not* going to tank that thing! Look at it! Its huge! I dont even come up to its knee! Who has wa-wah? Awww poo. I didnt bwing any food. Im already hungwy.
These mutterings and proclamations of being unready were growing louder by the second. Ironbinky had had enough.
Gasps were heard. You simply did not say shut up. Thats what adults said and Ironbinky was certainly not an adult. However, everyone shut up. Angus was eyeing his molten giant with growing suspicion and concern. Kenny however, fingered his [Yardstick of Many Whackings] with anticipation.
Oh, uh uh! gasped SuzyQ while staring at Kenny. Oh no you deh-ehnt! Oh No you DEH-EHNT! You deh-ehnt bring a shield did you Kenny? Did you?
You are gonna take all my mana cuz you deh-ehnt bring a shield. I am not gonna heal you at all!
I will be fine! I dont need your stupid heals anyway.
SuzyQ muttered under her breath, mana sponge.
Is evewyone weddy? Ironblinky asked hopefully. Muttering continued but it was generally agreed upon that they were not going to be anymore ready given months of standing there.
Okay den, Angus and Kenny, go pull da Mowtahn Giants.
Angus made a strange sound. It was very much like a cry, but with his deeper voice it still did not sound like a moo. It was more like a moan. Kenny, on the other hand, ran screaming into the ankles of the Molten Giant and proceeded to whack at it with his [Yardstick of Many Whackings]. Since Kenny was so much faster to the giants then Angus, both of the giants began to beat down upon Kenny.
Before he died, somewhere in between the second and third hit, he cursed the name of SuzyQ loudly. His mouth ended up somewhere near his navel on the next hit and he was silenced for the rest of the fight.
About this time, Ironbinky had stabbed Angus near his tail, sending Angus screaming into the Molten Giants. Both giants turned and began to lumber towards the terrified tauren child. Angus tried his War Pout, but these huge giants were immune. It was not looking good for Angus.
Ironbinky dashed into what used to be Kennys target, pulling that one off of Angus. Great bolts of streaking white light smashed into both giants. Bows creaked in the back while SuzyQ and the other priests and priestesses tired to keep the two tiny warriors alive. The rogues then joined in the fray and began to hack at the back of the huge beasts.
Angus let out a fierce battle cry. At first the party cheered, thinking that Angus had managed to kill his giant, but as the echoes came back from the huge chambers, they realized that he was screaming for his mother. A well placed Molten Foot ended the life of poor Angus. His corpse just lay there and sizzled.
Now free of the tenacious grasp of the kindergarten tauren, the Molten Giant began to cut a swath through the small children. Ironbinky was doing everything he could to keep his giants attention upon himself and SuzyQ was rapidly running low on that blue stuff that let her cast her heals. One of the shaman began to scream loudly for his mother, dropped all of his totems and ran screaming to the instance door. Watching this person totally snap, one of the mages and a rogue took off as well. A druid simply turned into cat form, wet the ground and began to cover it up.
no woot for dem, snickered Ironbinky.
A huge bolt of blue-white ice slammed into the freed Molten Giant. That was the last little bit that was needed to take the beast down. Frosty, the Forsaken mage gloated as the towering inferno fell right into the middle of the group. Screams of panic were heard as the beast fell, squishing all the priests but SuzyQ and turning Frosty into a wet-nap.
The remaining group of toddlers focused all their firepower on the last Molten Giant. It took some time, several wettings and a great number of deaths, but the last giant did indeed finally fall. A collective sigh was heard from the remaining few survivors.
That sucked, sighed Ironbinky.
Gasps again circulated amongst the living. That was another bad word. Once the shock of hearing a five year old say the word suck had worn off, the survivors nodded in agreement and began to resurrect the dead.
Oh, look! proclaimed Ironbinky. Its a [Didie of Divinity]!
Gasps, clapping and murmurs of mine could be heard now. The barely won fight had yielded loot. All was good. However, the good did not last for long.
I think I should have it, declared SuzyQ. I died, exclaimed Kenny. Me too, followed Angus. You suck as a healer, they both said together. Learn2Play, Kenny shot in.
SuzyQs bottom lip began to tremble. Then, it started to move into and out of her mouth at an alarming speed. But it says dawimnity its sposed to be for MeeeEEeeeEEeee
We dont even know what it does! Chimed in Frosty. None of us can read!
SuzyQs voice trailed off into blubbers punctuated by a sucking, phwip sound as her lip traveled back and forth in and out of her mouth. Dawimnity.phwip priest The rest was unintelligible.
cry more n00b muttered Ironbinky.
SuzyQ receives loot [Didie of Divinity]
Beaming, SuzyQ claps and cheers and proceeds to hug all thirty nine other members of the raid group. Most of which did not bother to hug back.
The first pull of these little hordelings was rough, but there was much more to come. Much more
Chapter 3: Trash MobsEdit
New Characters: Peashooter: Orc Hunter n00bhatcher: Forsaken Rogue
Still incredibly excited, SuzyQ clapped and skipped her way to the first bridge. Ironbinky muttered about the circumspect nature of the once pouting now elated little troll. But the raid must go on, and so the trash mob grind to Lucifron was about to get underway.
Peashooter, an orc hunter using a vicious looking blow gun, decided that it was time to add some organization to this little adventure of theirs. He walked up through the gaggle of kindergartners, placed a hunters mark on a the nearest Firelord and took a deep breath, ready to shoot his Arcane Pea at the flaming monstrosity sitting peacefully in front of them.
All my widdle glowing thingies are gone cuz I dieded, spouted off n00bhatcher. Gimme dem back. Im thirsty, said one of the priests in the back. Are we near Wucifwran yet? I have to go to da bafwoom. No you dont, snapped Ironbinky. You just wet yourself two minutes ago! Wewl, replied the kindergartner with the bladder problem, I need a change then.
Everyone instantly placed the little beast on their ignore list and decided it was time to continue and quickly.
Incoming! Called out Peashooter.
A huge, flaming Firelord turned red with rage and hurled itself towards the tiny orc hunter. Screaming for his mommy, Peashooter sicked his Silver Tabby on the fiery beast. The brave little kitty did not last long and soon Angus found Ironbinkys blade in his behind again. With a screech, Angus made off towards the Firelord just in time to see a burning kitty cat plunge to its death over the bridge.
N00bhatcher pulled out his pilfered tableware and snuck around to the back of Firelord while Angus tried very hard to keep his taunts and name-calling to himself. He remembered all too well his swift and painful death from the Molten Giants and this Firelord looked even more menacing then the towering mass of lava. Angus swung his [Wiffle Ball Bat] with as little force as possible and flinched as the searing heat began to burn the fur from his face.
Spawn! Hollered Ironbinky, trying to focus the efforts of his team.
Oh! Its so cuuuute! Cried SuzyQ. Its a widdle bay-bee! Can we keep it? Her wide eyes beamed with newfound love and her pony-tails swayed as she made a cradling motion.
Kill it! screamed Ironbinky and Angus in unison.
Kenny, seeing a much smaller version of the Firelord decided that his [Yardstick of Many Whackings] was up for this task and streaked after the little spawn.
Noooooooo screamed SuzyQ. Its just a lil baby! Leave it alone! Her lip began to slide slowly back and forth again.
Realizing that SuzyQ had not generated any aggro yet, Angus cried out for a heal. SuzyQ reflexively cast on the bull-boy and instantly received a blast of fire in the face from the cute little fire spawn. Looking burnt and bewildered that her new found lovely little pet could be so mean, SuzyQ began to cry uncontrollably. Kenny cursed SuzyQ again for pulling aggro off of him and was trying his best to catch up to the tiny spawn.
SuzyQ suddenly changed, however, causing Kenny to stand dumbstruck. His yardstick hanging loose in a limp grasp, Kenny watched SuzyQ turn into a shadow. She seemed to grow somehow and dark whispers seemed to come from every direction. Dark, purple bolts began to pelt the tiny little spawn and SuzyQ began screaming in a language that no one had heard before.
The Firelord promptly decided that this was the time for Angus to die and Angus had no choice but to get burned alive. Again, his corpse just lay at the feet of the enemy, sizzling with the most appetizing sound and smell. Ironbinky then ran to Firelord swearing at the other priests and shaman to keep him alive. N00bhatcher was still plinking away at the back of the Firelord, looking like he was working hard, but his tableware was beginning to melt and he was most uncomfortably hot. It was probably best to just look busy rather than actually do anything, he thought as he made stabbing gestures at the tower of fire.
Spawn! called out Ironbinky for the second time.
THAT ONE IS MINE! came an unholy voice from behind the kindergartners. SuzyQ had the voice of a demon possessed, her pony-tails stuck straight out and black flame seemed to be consuming her, yet she was unscathed. Everyone stepped away from the demon-troll now. The Firelord was less spooky than SuzyQ at this point.
The Firelord was getting weaker by the second and SuzyQ seemed very content to kill the little baby fire elementals as they spawned. Kenny was still trying his best to help but he had to constantly stop and bandage himself since SuzyQ seemed unwilling to heal anymore. The Firelord soon turned into a pile of soot and there was no trace of the spawnlings anywhere on the cavern floor. Their first Firelord fight had ended with a great success with only Angus dieing that time.
Everyone stared at the purple and black SuzyQ.
"What?" She asked, looking nervous behind her dark veil. "I respecced."
Woot! cried out Ironbinky.
Cheers erupted from the raid group. Well, from most of the raid group at least. A deep, whispering cheer came from SuzyQ who was still surrounded in a thick purplish black cloud. Angus gave out a half-hearted whoopee and sat down to munch on some grass.
Aw, sighed Ironbinky. Its nuffin. Just some hot tar or sumpting like dat. If da mastah wooter finds some woot, its godda be good. Whadah you not showing us? demanded n00bhatcher.
Its nuffin, look! retorted Ironbinky.
You know I cant see what woot you have, you nub!
Ironbinky growled at the tiny forsaken rogue. Not evewyting in here drops epix ya know!
N00bhatcher was not convinced. Well dem lemme have it.
Angus eyeballed the little forsaken rogue with concern. He then stood to his full height of nearly three feet, towering over the dead-ite child. Mine. He declared.
Mine, squeaked the tiny forsaken.
I have to wepair my armor cuz I keep dieing. I need to sell it to pay for all of that.
You are gonna sell woot from Molten Core?! gasped n00bhatcher. For shame, he said shaking his head.
Ill keep it, said Ironbinky, trying to keep everything together.
ninja was heard from more than one tiny little hordeling.
Chapter 4: Core HoundEdit
New characters: Daisy: tauren druid Mouthcox: troll shaman
There were many muttering raid members but for the most part, morale was pretty high. They had defeated the Molten Giants and a Firelord. All seemed to be going well as long as you didnt ask Angus who seemed to have a knack for dieing on every pull. Kenny had running away down to a science and SuzyQs new spec seemed to be working well.
Daisy, a cute little Tauren (if you could ever call a tauren little) was quite happy at how well the team was working together. Mouthcox, an angry little troll shaman was not so convinced and the two had their heads together in whispers. The one thing that they seemed to agree on was that SuzyQ was completely out of her mind and that the two of them would have to do some serious healing to keep Angus alive.
The raid group scooted across the little bridge and paused to regroup for a minute. Angus was out in front due to the pokings of Ironbinky. His bull eyes were bulging and the smell of freshly seared steak seemed to follow him everywhere he went. N00bhatcher could not stop staring at Angus and several other raid members kept scooting a little closer whenever Angus nervously stepped away.
A squeak escaped from Angus lips. A small but growing puddle was forming at his feet. The [Wiffle Ball Bat] slipped from his grasp and made a muddy splash at his feet. Trembling, the tauren warrior pointed into the distance. Tears were streaming down his face.
Dont make me his sad little voice pleaded.
Coming up over the rise was a Core Hound. A massive, nasty, fire-drooling Core Hound. The beast was huge, angry and trolling around looking for something to eat. Angus couldnt move. He wanted to but his hooves had failed him. Perhaps it was the puddle he was standing in. Perhaps it was memories of that vicious poodle experience of two years ago. Whatever it was, he was rooted to the spot.
Daisy took a moment to walk up to the formerly brave warrior. She placed her hand upon his shoulder and leaned in so that only he would hear. Ill heal you Angus. Mouthcox and I will heal you.
Turning to look into the big brown eyes of Daisy, Angus just sniffed. The tears did not slow down and he couldnt think of anything to say. Knees trembling, he picked up his bat and watched as the Core Hound walked closer.
You just cant, Angus started to speak. His voice was weak at first, but it slowly began to grow in strength and volume. Making a tahwen fight a hu-mongleous doggie just isnt wight. I mean come on! he demanded fervently. A dog and a tahwen! Thats just mean. He gave a great sniff which was close enough to a sign of readiness for Ironbinky.
Mouthcox chuckled along with n00bhatcher as Angus screamed in pain and lept forward into the jaws of the Core Hound. Kenny sized up his yardstick against the size of the teeth of the Core Hound. He came to a quick decision and dropped his yardstick on the ground and pulled out his slingshot. He began looking around on the ground for decent sized rocks. No sense in carrying a pocketful of rocks when youre going to be fighting in a cave, he thought to himself.
I think the puppy is kewt, muttered SuzyQs shadow-voice. kewl it. Her eyes grew wide behind their dark mask and purple bolts began to shoot from her hands and eyes. There was a wide circle of nothing surrounding SuzyQ now. She was just not right in the head anymore.
Angus managed to somehow stand in front of the Core Hound. No matter where he ran to, the Core Hound followed. His pleas for help and healing and mommy went unheard, buried under the hungry growls of the hell-hound.
Stand still! screamed n00bhatcher. He was unable to stick his tableware into the shifting Core Hound. Each swipe would miss the toes of the beast and sc#@!& a toenail harmlessly. Trying to find a place for the fork was proving most difficult. Mouthcox just grinned a twisted little five-year-old grin and cast at the beast. Learn2Play n00b, Mouthcox screamed at the tiny forsaken rogue.
The Mudpie drew aggro. The beast turned and ate the no-longer-laughing troll in one bite. Angus body failed him, but with an empty bladder from a few moments ago, only a small trickle betrayed him.
N00bhatcher snickered at the feet (the only part remaining) of the dead troll. n00b he declared loudly and grinned at the trolls [Big Fuzzy Slippers].
Suddenly, nearly everyone was consumed by fire. Everyone glowed bright orange and the smell of burning hordeling was everywhere. That was enough for Frosty. Now, he was mad. He just got his [Woobie of Spell Powah] a few days ago and now it was smoldering. Glancing at his blue bar, he began to cast [Snowball] with all his might.
A white streak was seen flying over the heads of the raid group. The little white ball of frost did very little to the fire hound except distract him from the screaming tauren. Teeth dripping fiery ooze, the Core Hound turned and began to run into the middle of the group, trying to eat the bag-o-bones squishy.
Frosty took off running, screaming for mommy. Ironbinky tried to grab the beast but was swatted aside. Frosty was in the middle of a plea for help when his cries were cut short. His femur lodged itself in a most uncomfortable spot between the Core Hounds teeth. How aggravating.
Sensing disaster, Ironbinky told Angus to grab the beast to keep the squisies in the back from getting eaten alive.
What about me! cried Angus.
You are sposed ta die, you n00b!
I dont wanna! Whaaaaa And with that, Angus ran. Daisy tried to keep in range to heal the terrified tauren but alas, he was too far.
Kennys first stone bounced off the thick hide of the Core Hound.
Whaaaaaaaaaaa as Angus ran.
KEWL DA KEWTNESS! screamed the shadow voice from SuzyQ.
N00bhatcher tried to keep up with the beast and managed to stick his fork in the beasts ankle. The beast stopped chasing Angus for a second. It turned and looked down at the tiny little bone-boy.
Growling because now it had *two* bones in most uncomfortable places, the Core Hound ran after member after member of the kindergarten raid group. Angus was managing to stay ahead of the beast. Daisy was running after Angus. Kenny kept looking for stones. Peashooter was trying to find his Silver Tabby and didnt even know that the Hound was pulled. SuzyQ was hell-bent on killing da kewtness, as she put it and Ironbinky was trying his best to get everyone to do something. Which was surprising, considering the amount of activity going on.
One by one, everyone ended up in the belly of the beast. Angus stopped running eventually and looked over at Daisy. Dark brown eyes met dark brown eyes. Angus gave a little wave just before he was eaten. Daisy waved back and waited for her turn to get eaten. It didnt take long.
When Daisy and Angus arrived in the belly, there was already a heated argument as their ghosts complained to one another.
Evidently, all of their woes stemmed from their complete devotion to newbness. SuzyQ demanded a damage meter. Kenny wanted to know why Peashooter was not letting anyone else have any ammo. Angus just wept openly while Mouthcox and n00bhatcher complained to each other how their tank was inept and their healer went shadow on them. Daisy found herself caught between arguing how she was healing and comforting Angus.
Just wewease ordered Ironbinky. We wiwl twy again.
Great moaning sobs burst from Angus.
SuzyQ grinned evilly as her ghost exited the tummy of the beast.
Chapter 5: RegroupingEdit
New Characters: Brittle: Forsaken warlock
Once again the malcontent daycare runaways found themselves standing inside one of the most feared dungeons Azeroth has to offer. Torn between feeling ecstatic that they had come this far and demoralized that they had been wiped out by a single (granted very large) dog had the group unsure of themselves.
Ironbinky confidently waddled up in front of the raid group, one hand holding up his britches, the other hand tucked neatly inside his pillow er shield.
Okay guys, he started. So fah we hab been doing wewy well.
Groans of disagreement were heard from the raid group. Someone called out for nap time. Angus sat in a corner sucking on his thumb. He twitched occasionally and seemed oblivious to Daisys soothings. SuzyQ was still encompassed in swirling shadows. Her chin was lowered and her eyes seemed totally white as her tiny chest heaved with each breath. Mutterings about the cute things needing to die all of them made Ironbinky take pause. Perhaps he needed to address the emotional stability of their main healer before continuing. Slowly and cautiously he approached the stiff-haired troll.
SuzyQ he started tentatively. His hands were held up to show he meant no harm and his voice was low and soft. SuzyQ its okay wewy. We need you to come back to us SuzyQ
No response. Her eyes were glazed over and her tiny fists were clenched white. Ironbinky waved his hands in front of her face. Still nothing. Fearing for his raid group, he took drastic measures and grabbed both of her shoulders in the tightest grip he could manage.
SUZYQ! We need you! He punctuated each of his words with a sharp shake.
Whu? she responded. The shadows around her flickered. Then they faded.
SuzyQ, we need you to hewl. To emphasize his point he nodded over at Angus who, by now, had curled up in the fetal position, still twitching. Think of da Angus, he pleaded.
A small, dainty sniff escaped SuzyQ. Her eyes were filled with sadness and the shadows dropped from her completely. A collective sigh of relief slipped from the raid (except for Kenny who was still looking around for stones, his yardstick completely forgotten).
Kewt is bad, she whispered softly. I no no like dem anymore. Yes SuzyQ, everything in here is bad. Let Angus kill them, said Ironbinky with renewed hope. If you can heal Angus, he wiwl kewl the icky things. But SuzyQ, this is impowtant. He cant kewl dem wifout you!
SuzyQ gave a sharp nod. Her softened face became hard again. Okay. Angus wiwl get my healin powah. But no one else! she threatened looking around. Everyone anywhere near her threw their hands up and backed away. General consent was given through nods and Okays. Ironbinky smiled a true and genuine smile. Then he saw Kenny poking around for rocks.
Whaddaya doin Kenny? he hollered at the warrior-wishing-he-was-a-hunter.
Cuz you arent gettin me near those things, he said gesturing down range. Dey are too big and scawy. No way, uh-uh, nebah. He went back to looking for rocks for his slingshot.
Mouthcox walked over to Ironbinky and whispered for a few seconds to the fearless leader. Ironbinky smiled, thanked the troll and then stomped off towards Kenny.
Ironbinky grabbed Kenny by the ear and drug him to the corner where Angus was curled up. Words were spoken quietly between Ironbinky and Kenny yet they could not be made out over the whimpers and twitching of Angus. Finally the two walked back to the raid group. Ironbinky looked upset but Kenny looked downright terrified. Slowly Kenny pulled his [Yardstick of Many Whackings] out of his knapsack. His lip quivered slightly, but he was an orc after all. A certain level of decorum needed to be maintained.
For some unknown reason, Mouthcox and n00bhatcher exchanged a high-five. When Daisy asked what was going on, n00bhatcher showed daisy a screenie of Kenny kissing a girl from their kindergarten class during recess. Shock and revolt ran through her like lightning through sand. She could not help it. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she said through a face twisted with disdain. Dat is just nahs-tee!
Shhhh, came from Ironbinky. Awright, we need to get to Wucifwon before naptime. Dat only gibs us a widdle bit of time and we hab a woooong way to go.
Mouthcox leaned over to n00bhatcher. He thinks hes better dan us cuz he can tell time. I bet he jus makes it awl up. Another high five was exchanged between the troll and forsaken.
Angus is gonna stiwl be owah main tank. SuzyQ has agweed to hewl him and eberwyone else just kewl kewl kewl! We can do dis pepuhw!
There was not much rejoicing.
Dink ob da massive phat woots!
WOOTS! piped up the whole raid group. Yay! Even Angus stirred and started to get up. His big brown eyes terrified, but his strength was returning for da woots, I mean the loot.
Brittle, a forsaken warlock of dubious build but great mental prowess (he could, indeed, count to 100) walked confidently over to Angus and SuzyQ. I bet I can pull agg off of you Angus.
Okay! Angus replied happily.
Dejected, Brittle walked away. He would try anyway if for no other reason than Angus really and sincerely didnt seem to want any. With that settled in his mind, he put away his blueberry and pulled out his Gimp. He hated the stinky little thing, and it hated him, but the little fire-chucker was hard enough to get so he might as well put Bic to good use.
Youre the son of a motherless goat, baby-bones! Bic cursed as his master. Thankfully no one else could really understand what Bic was mouthing off about. Brittle had heard this sort of trash talking so much at this point that it was starting to get to him. After all, Brittle is only five years old and to be called such foul things for so long how could he not take it personally. He kicked Bic anyway. It made him feel better.
Ironbinky led them to the bridge. Angus looked wide eyed at all the miniscule little bones they have left there. He gulped.
Chapter 6: Lava and You.Edit
Angus stood as bravely as he could muster. He was just across the bridge and looked over his shoulder. There was Peashooter with his blow gun at the ready. Ironbinky looked away suddenly and Angus could have sworn he saw a cow-poke slide behind the little turds back. But there was SuzyQ, all shiny and white in her new [Didie of Divinity] and Daisy smiling warmly at him. Okay maybe this wont be so bad, he thought to himself. Even Kenny came up to join him on the bridge, but he didnt seem to happy about it either.
Peashooters arm went up and a sound was heard. Angus looked up expecting a Core Hound but instead saw a pile or rocks running towards them. Peashooter took a deep breath and a tiny little dart shot out of the end of the blow gun.
Incoming Rocky-type thingy, shouted Peashooter.
Angus turned right into the cattle-prod, which flung him in front of the incoming Surger. The Surger took this opportunity and smashed its massive rock fists into Angus belly. Pain and then warm fuzzy. Angus felt for a wound but instead felt just fine. He looked up and there was SuzyQ grinning and motioning for Angus to get up.
Smiling, Angus got up and swung his wiffle bat as hard as he could at the rock-thingy. The next thing he knew, himself and everyone near him were flying through the air. Daisy let out a Weeee before landing with a thump.
Angus leapt up and swung again at the rock thing. He was struck and then instantly warm and fuzzy all over (after only a very brief bout of mind-numbing pain). This isnt so bad, he thought.
Lava! Came a cry to the left and behind Angus.
You are not Angus, you dun get any healin powah Kenny.
LAVA! cried out Kenny as he tried in vain to swim through the molten rock.
Lah-blub-vah-blub came from somewhere near the bridge.
Frosty looked over the edge of the bridge and saw three little green fingers sticking up then two then one then the closed fist just sank out of sight.
Oh noes SuzyQ, you just killed Kenny! Spat Ironbinky.
He not da Angus, so he gunna die, she said while spamming on Angus.
n00bhatcher chuckled while looking busy near the Surger.
Weeeee said Daisy again as they all got flung through the air. Angus again immediately jumped up and began to beat the rock-thingy for all he was worth. It seemed cruel, actually. Now that he was actually trying to gain the attention of the beast, it could care less.
Brittle and Bic were in the back chucking all sorts of heat at the rock thing and before he could move, Brittle was tossed into the lava as well. Bic began to laugh at his unfortunate master. Frosty considered helping Brittle out, but looting Brittle was, for some stupid reason, not possible so he turned his attention back to the Surger. No one saw Brittles fingers count down. He was just a warlock after all.
Snowballs squished off the side of the Surger in rapid succession. The repeated stabbing of tableware was beginning to dent and damage n00bhatchers weapons so he decided it was probably best to take some time out to bandage. Fine tableware was not easy to come across, ya know. There was no sense in damaging it. All the while, Angus tried his best to gain the attention of the rock-thingy. He was frustratingly poor at it.
Finally, under a hail of snowballs, purple glowing balls of spooky and many pokings by bats and darts, the Surger finally gave way into a pile of rocks. Even Mouthcox managed to get in a shot or two between being thrown into the air.
"No Woots," Ironbinky called out. "Just some sawlt."
n00bhatcher coughed. "I'll take it," he said looking at Angus. A sly and knowing grin slid across n00bhatchers face. Angus gulped.
Daisy and SuzyQ were plumb tuckered out. It took a lot of healin powah to keep alive those they deemed worthy of continued breath. So far, it was mostly just Angus. Mouthcox thought about it for a second and realized that Kenny was just too much fun to make fun of and decided to toss the orc warrior a rez. Someone must have thought the same thing about Brittle because, in no time, the raid group was ready to continue.
Frosty, can you do dat smart thing, my glowy stuff all ward off, Brittle asked.
Aww, den I hab to do it for eberyone, Frosty pouted. Dat stuff costes money, ya know. Im only fib years old, he said holding up four fingers. I dont gots lots ob money.
I need the health thingy that da priestsezzes do, said Kenny. He was generally ignored by everyone. Warriors should not use slingshots. Learn2play escaped more than one set of lips. Aww peas? He glowed for a second. Apparently, even kindergartners dont like to hear people beg. Brittle glowed for a second too. His Gimp was still laughing at him.
I hate you, the Gimp whispered to his master.
I hate you to, ya little stupid Dookie! Brittle cried out at last.
OOooohhhh! Traveled around the raid group.
Mouthcox chuckled. Dookie indeed, he thought. Mouthcox could do much better than that! Puh-lease!
Does master think Bic is usless? gibed the Gimp. Yeah. Brittles eyebrows were starting to close together. Does master wish Bic would go away? Yeah! Does master want Bic to leave? Yeah, leave me alone Bic! shouted Brittle. Yipee! cried Bic as he fled deeper into Molten Core, skipping and flipping the entire way.
Oops, admitted Brittle. OMFG! Shouted Ironbinky. No one knew what that meant other than they were four very powerful letters when put in that order. Here! shouted Ironbinky and he rammed a [Nubless Pacifier] into Brittles mouth. This is the bewy wast time I ebah shout LFM MC PST!
He pouted off, stomping his feet and muttered about n00bs. n00bhatcher thought he wanted to talk to him, so he trotted up beside the raid leader. The rest of the raid thought it was time to move on and so they all crossed the bridge.
Angus went as white as a fur covered tauren could possible turn. A growl was heard and the Core Hound that was their nemesis began to make its way towards the raid group. SuzyQ struggled and managed to keep her hatred of all things kewt from consuming her. Her eyes met Angus and her resolve was set.
Chapter 7: Core Hound, Take 2Edit
Everyone seemed much more prepared for this go around with the Core Hound. Angus wasnt even trembling much. He looked back over his shoulder at his two healers and they both grinned back at him. Okay, he thought, I can do this. Its only a *gulp* doggie, after all.
Angus ran towards the Core Hound screaming a challenge instead of for his mommy this time. n00bhatcher made sure his salt was readily available as he watched Angus run towards the fire hound. Knife and fork slid off of each other with a ssshing sound. The Core Hound spotted the side of beef running at it again, and Angus could have sworn the beast was smiling.
Let Angus get some aggwo before you do anyfing, reminded Ironbinky. Taking this advice a little too seriously, Daisy pulled out some knitting. Brittle decided that this would be a good time for a snack and pulled out his Hordeables and started nibbling on the sweet-and-sour gnome fingers. Mouthcox and n00bhatcher pulled out their nap-mats and laid down on the bridge. Kenny longingly fingered his slingshot.
Ow. OW. OWWW, cried Angus. SuzyQ began to spam on the tauren combatant. Angus felt better immediately and his confidence in his ability to not get eaten was rising. The huge snapping jaws didnt seem to bad after all. Not when he felt all warm and fuzzy inside. He actually smiled a little.
Go! called out Ironbinky. Most of the raid group just blinked at Ironbinky.
Aww, I just got comfortable, called out n00bhatcher. Let me finish this stitch, asked Daisy. Kenny just shuffled his feet over towards the Core Hound, muttering about it being a dare, which made sense to very few people.
Over the next few minutes, the raid group slowly began to beat on the Core Hound. Even Mouthcox threw a or two at it. Angus did a magnificent job tanking the beast, much to the chagrin of n00bhatcher. He put the salt away realizing that there would be plenty of opportunities.
As it turned out, the only one mishap on this Core Hound was when Brittle pulled agro off of Angus. Of course, the Warlock screamed out that he had agro. No one really seemed to care. He ran screaming around the raid group, annoying everyone.
Heal me! Help me! I have agro! Dont you understand what that means?! He wants to eat me! Help!
just die, muttered more than one person.
run to the tank, not to me, was heard as well.
n00b was universal.
Brittle died in one hit, his body was flung back into the lava and sank beneath the molten rock. Once Brittle was dead, everything went very smoothly.
Someone pweas wez Briddle, Ironbinky asked as he looted the Core Hound.
WOOTS! he cried out.
WOOT everyone echoed.
Aww, its just a greeny. [Fiskars Rounded Scissors of the Hamster] seem pwetty usewess unless its an upgwade for someone.
Looking at his bent fork, n00bhatcher piped up that he could use it. Is it main hand, one handed or off hand, he asked.
Ironblinky blinked at him. Dood, he said, Its scissors. Think about it. Main hand, you n00b.
n00bhatcher receives [Fiskars Rounded Scissors of the Hamster]
There were tremendous mutters about how that loot is going to go wasted because he never hits anything anyway. This upset the tiny forsaken to the point where he decided that, more often than not, he was actually going to start poking the bad guys. He had to try out his new Main Hand weapon, after all.
Dat was bewy well done yawl. No one died Brittle said something, but he was ignored and we got our rebenge on da puppy. Excewent!
What next boss? asked Daisy, her knitting back out. It was a tricky stitch.
Gimme a minute, Ironbinky asked. He pulled out his handy-dandy Molten Core by the Numbers coloring book. He set the book down on the ground and began to flip through the pages.
Our book says that we hab a wot of da same stuff between us and Wucifwon. He pointed to the pictures of each of the monsters between them and Wucifwon, er, Lucifron. He and Angus studied the pictures for at least five seconds before becoming bored and decided just to wing it. Reading, even if its mostly pictures, was just too boring. Better to just do it. Definitely.
Chapter 8: Fire Resist GearEdit
What Ironbinky and Angus determined after their very short glance at the Molten Core by the Numbers coloring book was that they had a lot of fire based bad guys up ahead. Ironbinky turned to Angus and asked if the Tauren had any decent fire resist gear.
Yeah, but I dun wanna wear it, Angus stated with wide eyes.
What gear do you have, Angus?
I hab da set of Fire Retardant Jammies, Angus finally confessed.
Snickers were heard from behind the pair.
Da full set? Ironbinky asked, grinning.
Anguss face started to slide off of his skull. Yeah, but pwease dont make me wear it. sniff Pwease!
Ironbinky leaned close to the sad warrior and whispered in his ear. I hab seen n00bhatcher staring at you. He paused for effect. He has da salt, and I think he means to use it.
Angus started to cry as he pulled out his gear. He put on the pieces one at a time. The decision between being eaten and putting on his horrible looking Fire Resist gear was a hard one, but inevitable.
[Fire Retardant Fuzzy Bunny Slippers] [Fire Retardant Fuzzy Bunny Leggings] [Fire Retardant Fuzzy Bunny Belt] with [Fire Retardant Tail] enchant +10 [Fire Retardant Fuzzy Bunny Zipper Jacket]
And finally, the last piece went on;
[Fire Retardant Fuzzy Bunny Ears]
Thus completing his Fire Retardant Jammies Set Bonus. Which, along with additional fire resistance, guarantees .
Angus was in full tears now and the raid group absolutely lost it. Standing before them was a three foot tall Tauren warrior clad from head to toe in soft pinky fuzzy jammies, complete with cotton tail and huge white and pink ears. Laughing uncontrollably, n00bhatcher fell down on top of his new pair of scissors and immediately started sending whispers for a rez. Kenny dropped his rocks and SuzyQ went back into shadow form, screaming about having to kewl da kewtness. Mouthcox was the only one with the presence of mind to take over a dozen screenies. Daisy, however, was in love for the very first time in her young life. She wasnt sure if it was with the bunny, the Angus, or a combination of both, but it was undeniable.
The set bonus sucks, he muttered as he rubbed his cheeks.
Once he had partially recovered from seeing the tauren in full fire resist gear, Frosty turned around and dumped all of his Fuzzy Bunny set gear into the lava. Even through the gear just floated along, it was good enough. As he watched his gear float on the molten rock, he saw that his gear was joined with dozens of other pieces. Apparently, set bonus or not, it just wasnt worth wearing. Five year olds are sensitive about that sorta stuff, ya know.
It took quite a while for the raid group to compose itself. When they had finally recovered, for the moment, Daisy was inseparable from Angus. She kept re-adjusting his ears and fluffing his tail. When she went for his cheeks, however, Angus had enough and smacked her hand away. The Daisy was undaunted.
Lets just go, Angus begged.
Ironbinky was still rolling around on the ground and took a little longer than the rest of the group to stand up. At last, tears streaming down his withered and rotted face, Ironbinky called for the next pull. It was a Firelord and no one seemed to even notice.
Peashooters arm went up, a huge bouncing red arrow showed up over the head of the Firelord and suddenly, the tower of fire was streaking towards the group.
Angus ran at the beast, determined to die and ruin his fire resistance gear so that he wouldnt have to wear it anymore. Kenny also, remarkably, started running towards the Firelord. And then he kept on running and kept on running right past the Firelord and into the lava.
Arg! Lava! He yelled.
Just die Kenny, SuzyQ said. She had recovered from her brush with shadow when she realized that Angus was not cute, but tortured. Her healing nature was drawn from pity rather then vengeance and she was firmly devoted to keeping poor Angus alive.
Laaaa-blurb-vaaah Kenny tried again. Three fingers two fingers one finger gone.
Angus took a surprisingly small amount of damage from the Firelord. Combined with the heals from SuzyQ, Angus was never in danger of being broiled. The spawns proved a little difficult because of the distraction they caused the main healer, but Frostys snowballs, Brittles spooky bolts and mudpies from Mouthcox eventually won the battle.
Ironbinky wanted to congratulate Angus on his fine tanking job, but looking into those wounded brown eyes made him hold it in. Angus really didnt want any more attention than he already had right now.
Whu happan Kenny, asked Ironbinky.
I dunno, he cried once he was rezzed. I started to wun, and then nuffin happened. So I kept wunnin. I twied to stop, but could-ehnt. And den, I wuz in da lava. Kenny started to cry from frustration.
Even Brittle took this opportunity to point out Kennys abundance of n00bness.
Over the next several pulls, Kenny ended up either in the lava or in the belly of a Core Hound. Mouthcox created a macro to rez Kenny that included a whisper to Kenny that kept count of each time the orc died.
Now that their tank was in full fire resist gear, the raid group made it across the other bridges with unprecedented ease and now found themselves huddled tightly on a peninsula. Ironbinky consulted the Molten Core by the Numbers coloring book again and sighed.
Mouthcox whispers to Kenny: This makes 12, laughing boy.
Chapter 9: Bics RevengeEdit
Our merry band of kindergartners that managed to smuggle themselves into Molten Core were now huddled on the peninsula between the two bridges leading into Magmadars cave. Ironbinky looked over his copy of Molten Core by the Numbers coloring book and did not like what he was reading er didnt like the pictures that he saw.
There were at least two knock-down rock things between where they were and where they wanted to go. Looking right and left all he could see was lava. This was going to be painful, he decided as he folded up the coloring book. He turned to face the raid group.
Awright evewybody, dis pawt is gonna huwt. We hab two rocky things to kewl befow we can moob on.
Kenny looked at his smoldering gear and knew in his heart of hearts that he just didnt have it in him. He lost count of the number of times he fell into the lava, was eaten or otherwise just torn asunder. Granted, he couldnt count very high, but evidently Mouthcox was a math wizard and was keeping count for him. That didnt help matters.
He pleaded with himself. He was an off-tank, right? Shouldnt that warrant a few heals every now and then? I mean, come on, his five year old logic screamed, I hit the bad guys and try to protect the squishies too! The rest of his thought was lost in a sea of pout and was unintelligible to even himself. It became clear that he had lost touch with reality at some point but no one seemed to notice. Their eyes were watching the Surger pacing back and forth no more than thirty yards from them.
Daisy was hovering near Angus, as she did before every pull. She straightened out his pink fuzzy ears and fluffed his little white tail for him. Her large doe eyes looked into his as she made sure that his bunny suit looked as cute as possible. He would just look away and fidget while she preened him. N00bhatcher was having a field day taking screenies and never seemed to get tired of capturing each and every single awkward moment.
Awight ebewyone, we pull da rocky-knock-down-owie fing to us here. Make shewah dat you hab your back to dis here rocky spiky fing or towards da bwidge hewah. DONT put your back to da wavah cuz ifn it knocks you dackwahd you will land in da wavah. And dat is bad. Ironbinky explained again.
Peashooter, do da honors pwease, the fearless raid leader called out.
Peashooters arm went up, a huge bouncy arrow showed up over the Surgers head and a pwhip sound let the raid group know that preparation time was over. Kenny was still wallowing in his own misery and didnt notice the pull. Angus gave a shout and ran at the surger. That scared the wee-wee out of Kenny who looked up wide eyed at the huge rock creature streaking towards him. Kenny dropped his Yardstick and curled up in a little ball.
Kenny and SuzyQ got knocked back along with several other members of the raid. While in the air, SuzyQ stared at Kenny with huge, angry eyes. Her ponytails fluttering in the breeze as she and Kenny flew towards the lava.
YOU DUCKED! SuzyQ screamed at Kenny. How Dare you, she admonished at the crest of her flight. She began to swim through the air to try and get closer to Kenny. At this point, Kenny had already resigned himself to death. No one ever seemed to heal or help him once he hit the lava and this would be no exception, he was sure.
As soon as he and SuzyQ hit the lava he felt tiny little fists pounding on his head. SuzyQ, evidently, was upset with him. A flurry of tiny little blows fell about his head and shoulders while she screamed at him. She was declaring what a miserable warrior he was and how she would make sure that he never saw the light of day again. To add insult to injury, she stood up on his shoulders and began jumping up and down while casting on Angus. This clearly demonstrated to Kenny that he was not worthy of heals. While she pounced him deeper into the lava, she took her last moment of life to heal the Angus.
Kenny didnt bother holding up his fingers this time. SuzyQ would probably just bite them off anyway, he resigned.
Angus flew into the lava this time and although he was all warm and fuzzy, he still had to swim out of the lava. Daisy saw that Angus was going to be okay, thanks to SuzyQs dieing efforts so she decided that it was time for her to try and tank the rocky thingy. She transformed into Teddy Form and pawed at the Surger. Her soft and cuddly light brown paws poofed against the rock elemental a few times and she gave out a ferociously cute little roar to try and gain its attention.
Emerging from the lava, a glowing red Angus charged at the beast. Lava dripped off of his bunny suit as he whacked the beast with his bat. Daisy looked up with wonderment and awe as the Angus, fluffy bunny ears and all, was the picture of the Tauren hero. Seeing the bunny-bull rise up out of the lava caused the Surger to pause and chuckle. That gave the raid group enough time to finally finish the beast off with a flurry of purple spooky, snowballs and mudpies. Even n00bhatcher tried out his new rounded scissors once or twice.
Once everyone was rezzed and back on their little peninsula, Kenny tried to explain why he had ducked. SuzyQ just held her hand up and turned away. Then she said the word that made the entire raid group gasp.
Now all of the words that Kenny mustered to his defense were heard by everyone but SuzyQ, who was obviously beyond caring. The last thing Kenny heard was Only da Angus gets my healin powah.
Ironbinky realized that there was no fixing the situation between SuzyQ and Kenny but the raid must go on. Once they got to Lucifron they could all take a nap. Hopefully that would make everything better. Naps did wonders for morale.
The raid managed to kill another surger without incident (Kenny still managed to die and was reminded that it was number 14). Now they prepared to streak past a batch of imps to get into a safer spot closer to Lucifrons cave. They were reminded by Ironbinky that it was not nap time yet, but that soon they would be able to take a little break. There were collective sighs of relief.
Okay, WUN! hollered Ironbinky. The raid group began to run and hug the right wall, hooking around as tightly as possible. They had just rounded the corner when Brittle stopped dead in his tracks.
BIC?! he exclaimed.
Riding on the shoulders of a Surger was his former slave, Bic the Gimp. Bic was whispering to the Surger and the obsidian beast turned and charged at the group. Bic was screaming at the top of his lungs but only the warlocks could understand it. None of them wanted to translate what was being said because it wasnt worth a mouthful of soap.
Bic and the elemental came streaking towards the raid group and right behind them was a pack of imps also screaming and running at the kindergartners. Evidently, Bic was really, really enjoying his new freedom. And he seemed to have made a few friends.
Brittle growled and pushed the sleeves of his jammie robes up over his elbows. He banished the elemental and then started chucking purple spooky bolts at Bic. He was yelling obscenities at Bic and Bic was returning the favor. Brittle didnt have to worry about soap in his mouth if no one understood what language he was speaking. The other warlocks were a little too busy right now to really care anyway.
Bic made a straight line for Brittle. The tiny warlock pulled out his empty Gimp jar and taunted Bic for all he was worth. Bic fell for it and kept running straight at the tiny lock. Just when Bic was about to set Brittle on fire, out came the jar and off came the lid. Bics little fire eyes got all wide and terrified for a second.
Not the jar again! he pleaded.
A wicked grin spread across Brittles face as Bic was sucked into the magical jar. As soon as Bic was inside, the lid was slammed on and screwed down tight. Brittle, still grinning manically, started to shake the jar for all he was worth. The cackle that escaped from his juvenile throat made even SuzyQ shiver. Brittle really wasnt right in the head.
With the Surger banished and Angus in his bunny suit, the raid group did pretty well on the imp pack. Once they had finished the fight, Ironbinky commanded the raid group to round the last corner and get into the safe spot of the cave.
Kenny was the last one to show up. He just walked over to the far corner, dragging is blackened yardstick behind him. He pulled out his nap mat and just fell down exhausted and demoralized. Daisy made sure that her mat was right next to Angus and fell asleep staring at the back of his bunny ears. SuzyQ and Ironbinky watched over the resting raid group. Once she was satisfied that the tank was safe, SuzyQ laid down to take a nap as well. Ironbinky stayed up a little longer and gave the coloring book one more look-see. Soon, however, sleep overtook him as well.
Deep in the bowels of Molten Core there lay a path of destruction laid down by the Kindergartners of Doom. Tiny little hordeling bones littered their path (all of them theirs, but it was impressive to see nonetheless). Lucifron was close now and they all slept well, dreaming of what woots they would soon be carrying home with them.
Chapter 10: WucifwonEdit
New Character: Lilly: Female Troll Mage
The raid group was awoken from their much deserved nap time by the maniacal cackles from Brittle and the muted screams of Bic the Gimp. Evidently Bic woke Brittle up and was now paying the price. SuzyQ rubbed the sleep out her eyes and looked over at Brittle who was churning Bic into a froth inside the jar. She nodded her approval.
Angus stood up as well and stretched his big bunny arms. Daisy was right behind him, fussing over his suit and bending his little ears just so. He was used to it and just stood perfectly still. To anyone else, Angus looked defeated. To Daisy, he was being properly submissive as she buffed his cuteness factor.
Ironbinky made sure that the rest of the raid group was awake and buffed before stating their strategy for their next obstacle: Pack Hounds. He pulled out the coloring book and showed them the pictures. The best that they could make out was that all of them had to die at the same time. The best way they could figure, each doggie needed to have a tank on it, then they would all spam the doggies with their ranged attacks. Kenny instantly pulled out his sling shot. Ironbinky patted his pocket and looked sternly at Kenny. Away went the slingshot.
Angus looked at all the dogs frothing and drooling and then looked at Ironbinky. Shrugging, Ironbinky just pointed back at the dogs. Angus counted the dogs then counted the warriors. He counted again. And again. He even counted out loud to make sure. He vowed then and there that he was never going to have a dog as a pet. Ever. Kitty maybe, but no dog. He now, officially and forever, hated dogs.
Once everyone had lost their patience with planning (which took exactly long enough for the warriors to pick their dog) the warriors screamed into battle. Warm and fuzzy wrapped itself around each of the warriors. Suddenly, a burnt and confused looking sheep wandered in front of the warriors.
The little sheep walked funny and the burn marks on its sides made everyone just stare at it. Lilly, the quiet little troll girl mage, began to whistle innocently which immediately betrayed her as guilty. The little sheep continued to wander stiff legged towards the pack hounds. It was Frostys turn to be smitten at this point. He missed sheep and here was one that somehow had snuck past him. He silently yearned for the sheep to come back. To come back to him and be safe safe and warm.
Angus scratched absently at his fluffy tail as the strange sheep wandered past him. Kenny decided to poke the sheep with his yardstick.
All of the tanks were flung through the air. While in mid-flight the pack hounds turned and charged at the raid group.
I BWAME YOU KENNY! shrieked SuzyQ. As it happens though, Ignore works both ways and so Kenny was obvlious of his blame. All he knew was that a sheep just exploded in his face. His yardstick couldnt have had anything to do with it. Could it?
By the time the tanks had regained their feet, half of the squishies were already dead and the other half were running for their lives. The fearless warriors looked at each other. There was much blinking. Angus scratched again. He was beginning to wonder if he was allergic to Fire Retardant material.
Ironbinky shrugged as the remainder of the squishes were mowed down. The tanks walked into the pack hounds and exposed their necks. Only Angus flinched really. The rest just wanted to get it over with.
-- Several moments later
What wuz dat! demanded Ironbinky.
Lilly looked all around the cave, seemingly admiring the beautiful scenery. Nuh-ehn, she replied.
Dat was a boom-sheep, wuznt it! Ironbinky demanded.
Looking nervous, Lilly put her hands behind her back and watched her feet shift through the dirt. Uh huh.
Bad Willy! Ironbinky scolded. Dun do dat any moh!
Mouthcox was snickering with n00bhatcher over the screenies they took of Kenny poking the sheep and then flying through the air. If n00b was an endearing term, Kenny would indeed be the most loved warrior in all of Azeroth. But, alas, it is not and he was not.
Ironbinky then turned to start spouting off at Kenny, but no sound escaped his lips. Apparently, Kenny had placed the entire raid on his ignore list. That set Ironbinky right off. Kenny just smiled and pointed towards his dog. He walked a few paces closer to it and sat down. This was the best Kenny had felt since stepping into Molten Core. He took out a bar of soap and stuck it in his mouth, still grinning from ear to ear.
Eventually the gaggle of irritated kindergartners mustered their strength for one more go at the pack hounds. The tanks all lined up and started their charge into the pack hounds. Kenny got up and joined them, grabbing his doggie by the tail and biting hard. Angus leaned as far away from the doggie as possible and resorted to shouting Bad Dog whenever the dog got out of reach. Once all of the doggies were sufficiently handled, Ironbinky called out for ranged whoopings. Fire and frost rained down on the doggies, finishing them off smoothly and efficiently.
Amazingly, Kenny lived through the entire battle, much to the chagrin of Mouthcox. The bitter little troll shrugged to himself. He was starting to lose count anyway. He didnt have enough toes to keep up past 14 anyway.
Wucifwon, mouthed Ironbinky. A slow murmur rippled through the raid group. Guaranteed phat woots. Lucifron paced back and forth, followed by his two guards. Everyone watched the huge lizard and cronies for a few minutes. Angus sad eyes looked at his pink arms and then Ironbinky. Ironbinky nodded and rapture flooded the small taurens face. He immediately stripped out of his Flame Retardant outfit and put on his tanking gear. He did not have a full set of Foil yet, but even being partly shiny was better than pink and fuzzy.
Daisy didnt know what to think. Her fuzzy pink hero wasnt fuzzy or pink anymore. Well she supposed, he still had his normal fur. But furry wasnt fuzzy and he wasnt pink anymore. Those precious little fuzzy feet were gone. His adorable little tail was no more and his floppy little ears were back in his knapsack. She was emotionally torn and suddenly more than a little upset at Angus for misleading her so.
Ironbinky set the tank priorities. Angus would tank Lucifron, Ironbinky the first add and Kenny the second. It too several moments of hand gestures and a few shin kickings before Kenny found his target. Having members of your raid list on Ignore made it hard to communicate. Having a bar of soap rammed into a grinning face didnt help matters much either. Little bubbles would pop whenever Kenny tried to talk, just making him grin even more.
Groaning, Ironbinky motioned to Peashooter. Arm went up, big bouncy arrow showed up over Kennys target. A deep breath and the sound of a pea going downrange signified the pull. Kenny instantly took off like a shot and plunged his yardstick into the tummy of his target. Angus began to question the sexual orientation of Lucifron and Ironbinky desperately sought something resembling a shin on his creature. Giving up, he just kicked for all he was worth.
Ironbinky and Kenny started to back their bad guys up to get plenty of distance from Lucifron when all hell broke loose. Suddenly, Angus turned red to the raid group and he charged at Mouthcox. Mouthcox had just enough time to yell stop before he was smote by the possessed little tauren. Frosty was laughing at the unfortunate troll when his head was split open by Angus.
Kenny, seeing Angus run away plunged his yardstick deeper into his bad guy. That combined with the might of the raid group focusing on his add first (they did have the least confidence in his abilities, to say it politely) brought the lizard to the end of his days. Kenny then began to run straight for Lucifron, muffled screams and a trail of bubbles trailed behind Kenny as he ran up and punched Lucifron in the tummy.
Everyone saw Kenny running towards Lucifron. They fully expected him to keep on running right on past the big lizard thing. When Kenny stopped and began to beat on Lucifron, the raid group cheered. Oblivious to their cheers (ignore really is a powerful thing) he kept beating and whacking and kicking and biting. His mouth was at full froth now.
Angus was quickly slain by a very angry raid. Ironbinkys add was summarily executed and then the focus of the raid turned to Lucifron and their new found tank, Kenny. No one seemed to notice n00bhatcher pull out his salt, look over his shoulder and then bury himself in Angus. No one except SuzyQ. She stood there for a second, watching n00bhatcher consume Angus. Finally, she nodded her approval at the tank turned traitor and cast on Kenny.
Kenny was as shocked as the raid group. He was getting warm and fuzzies, the laughter seemed to have stopped and he was holding aggro on Lucifron. Suddenly a very scary skull and crossbones appeared over his head. Looking up and the laughing little skull, Kenny gulped. He didnt know what it meant, but it must be bad. He saw Ironbinkys mouth moving, but he could not hear what he was saying. Just as suddenly, a white swirly appeared over his head and the purple little skull was gone; followed immediately by another warm and fuzzy.
Kenny spit out his soap and kicked Lucifron in the nay-nays. Well, he thought thats where the nay-nays would be anyway. Lucifron didnt seem to have any nay-nays. Nor, did he have any legs. Heck, Kenny thought in an epiphany, he wasnt even sure Lucifron was a boy.
As that thought came to completion, Lucifron fell before the might of the enraged Kindergartners. Kenny removed everyone from his ignore list and was overwhelmed by the cheers and support he got from everyone. Not a single person called him n00b. Angus and Mouthcox were both dead and Ironbinky was having some stern words with n00bhatcher who seemed very pleasant and slightly full at the moment. Rather than argue back, n00bhatcher just nodded, smiled and wiped his mouth.
Several moments later, Angus, freshly rezzed, walked over to n00bhatcher and kick him square in the parts covered by undies. Dead or not, that has to hurt. All the boys flinched at the blow and Mouthcox was looking at his Gnomish Screenie Device with glee.
WOOTS! cried out Ironbinky. PHAT WOOTS!! That got everyone cheering. After all, this whole ordeal was just for woots anyway. Everyone knew that. Gawd, n00b. What were you thinking?
[Mittens of Spikey] and [Necklace of Uber Bling]! Cried out Ironbinky.
I wood wike the neckwace, but I got the didie, admitted SuzyQ. Daisy was chosen to receive the Uber Bling and she was quite happy to receive it.
The Mittens, however, would take a little time to sort out. There were five warriors in the raid. One of which just killed members of the raid and was snacked upon. The other was a new-found hero and the last was the raid leader that kept this sorry bunch of first-grade wannabes on track. The other two were nameless members of their kindergarten class that they had to bring along.
Several rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors later, it was determined that Ironbinky would get their first piece of Spikey gear. There were nods of approval all around and the raid group then looked towards their next set of pack hounds.
Angus was not at all pleased to put on his Flame Retardant set again, but was forced to for the betterment of the raid. Daisy concluded that Angus was just teasing her and decided that she would not speak to him again forever. So there.
Chapter 11: Bad Dog
Peashooter was still trying to puzzle out what the [Tome of Sit, Uboo, Sit] was all about. He auto-followed SuzyQ through the rest of the hound packs and was frantically flipping through the book trying to figure it out. Needless to say, by the time they all stood before Magmadar, he was unprepared.
Angus stood staring at Magmadar while in his fuzzy bunny gear, ears askew and tail unfluffed. A small but growing stain began to spread through the lower part of his suit as Magmadars fire drool fell to a burning puddle below the massive dogs jaws.
Ironbinky pointed to a picture of everyone running away from Magmadar all at the same time. Da bad doggie must hab some sorta fewr or sumptin, he proclaimed tapping the By the Numbers book. I dunno how we awr gonna get awound dat, he sighed dejectedly.
Wewl, piped up Lilly. Dewr is dis dorf in Booty Bay Pre-School dat has a fewr wahd. We could see if he wanned to come.
Ironbinky looked absolutely shocked. WHAT?! he screamed. We are da Horwud! We dun need no stiking fewr wahd! Dats for da sissy straight-backs!
Lilly just shrugged. She knew a good idea when she heard it. She also knew when being stupid was going to get her killed. Looking back down at the picture of everyone running away, screaming like well like little kids, made her appreciate the fear ward.
Angus, Ironblinky started. Then he looked over at Angus. It does not seem physically possible for a Tauren to pout in such a manner. Their lips being built differently and all. But, just as SuzyQ had demonstrated the rapid suction of a pouting five year old, Angus was taking it to new heights. The flapping of the nose ring added a sort of counter-beat. Daisy just rolled her eyes, put her hands on her hips and looked at Angus as if he was the most pathetic creature in all the whole wide world. At that point in time he would definitely have agreed with her.
Ironblinky looked around. Angus was right out of the picture. The Tauren + Dog = Bad was carrying some weight with the raid leader at this point. Wight, he proclaimed. Kenny wewl tank Magmadar.
Kenny looked up from the puddle around Angus fuzzy pink feet. He shrugged. They were all gonna die anyway, he might as well be first. SuzyQ and Daisy both nodded at Kenny, then each other. Kenny may die like most people scratch, but not this time.
Cursing came from behind the raid group as Peashooter kept turning the [Tome of Sit, Uboo, Sit] over 180 degrees. He would turn the book, curse, then turn it again. This cycle was repeating itself with alarming speed. Ironbinky made a silent hand motion that let everyone know that he thought Peashooter was totally insane. Most could only agree but Mouthcox looked uncharacteristically worried.
Wight. Are we weady?
Several flashes of light and blinky type stuff later, the wiggly-finger types sat down to drink their blue-restore drinks. Ironbinky could never figure out where they stored all that stuff, but they seemed to have a never ending supply. Whenever he asked them for something to drink they just looked at him like he said that birds swam and fish flew. He would never understand the wiggly fingers, but they were necessary according to the coloring book, so they came.
Weady, was heard from the squishies. Kenny shrugged and Angus looked back over his shoulder for somewhere to go. Anywhere. Anywhere but *that* way.
Go get em Kenny, Ironbinky called out.
And off he went. One tiny little orc ran into the lair of Magmadar. All alone and standing no chance of survival alone, he went. Lilly was impressed. Mouthcox took out a time-keeping device and started a new timer. N00bhatcher started to wander towards Magmadar while holding his scissors well out in front of him. He knew better than to try to run with them anymore.
Kenny was up under Magmadar trying to find somewhere to stick his [Yardstick of Many Whackings] but was not having much luck. He decided to stick to the left paw of the beast. The dripping, flaming drool was very unnerving but Kenny continued on. He could feel the warm fuzzies flooding over him after brief moments of intense pain and he knew that he would be okay.
Then suddenly he was running the other way screaming like a kid with his hair on fire. He looked up. Yup, thats exactly what he was screaming like, he thought as he patted his head to put out the flames. Looking around, he saw that nearly everyone was running around like that.
And then he stopped running. Downt hitted him no mo! he shouted and ran over to Magmadar and stuck his yardstick into the beasts side. Magmadar turned to face him and the battle resumed.
Angus was still at the top of the rise. Apparently, urine when combined with Molten Core dirt makes a sort of glue. He had thought about moving a few times. He really and truly did. He just couldnt. Once the fear hit everyone else he almost felt vindicated. And then everyone went right back into the fight while he just stood there, shaking and making the most unintelligible noises a bull-boy could make. He just couldnt help it.
Hes getting bigger! yelled Kenny. Do sumptin Peashootah! screamed Ironbinky. What?! The exasperated hunter yelled back. Do dat sit uboo ting! Sumptin!
Peashooter was at a loss. The book was totally useless to a five year old. Out of frustration, the toddler hunter chucked the book as hard as he could at Magmadar.
Kenny, dodging between the feet of the beast looked behind him as a book bounced off the nose of the even more huge Magmadar. Turning to look at Peashooter, Kenny gave the hunter a silent plea.
Just then Magmadar let out another almighty roar.
Whaaaaaaaaaaa came from every direction as toddlers fled in panic.
Kenny turned and started running back towards the engorged Magmadar, raised his yardstick and was about to yell mean things to the huge mutt.
Magmadar moved on.
The rest of the toddlers continued to run screaming.
Thirty seven chomps later, all was quiet and a very full Magmadar waddled back to his favorite spot.
-- Several minutes later
Willy, Ironbinky began softly. Do you still hab dat doorf fwend ob yours abalable?
No. she stated defiantly. I dont think hed wanna help us anyway.
Well, Ironbinky conceded. Thats not surprising. Theyve left more bones in Molten Core today than most cemeteries gather in a generation.
Peashooter ran over to grab his book and streaked back to the raid group. Magmadar seemed to be in a post-meal nap so he managed his daring task without getting put on anyones ignore list.
Der just has to be a way ta do dis, he thought out loud. Der just gotta be.
Okay, bio break ebewyone, Ironbinky called out and then he put his head together with Peashooter to figure out the [Tome of Sit, Uboo, Sit].
Everyone sort of looked around at each other. Not really sure how best to do it, the girls took one side of the cave and the boys the other. Angus just stood in the middle, still stuttering incoherently and shaking more than just a little.
Suddenly golden sparks surrounded Peashooter.
YAY! cheered Ironbinky. The cheer was echoed by all in the raid. Even Angus managed to mutter something resembling yay. It turned into a sob fairly quickly, but no one seemed to notice. Frosty patted Angus on the shoulder, which caused the Tauren to jump and scream for his mother. A lot of people just shook their heads after that. Poor bull would be scarred for life, it seemed.
Wight, Ironbinky stated again. Peashooter has the tome rememberized now. So, when Magmummydar gets all huge-er on us, hell make em all smawl again.
Kenny, I fink you can do a lil wawewow dance thingy to keep fum getting all afeared like, Ironbinky said. He pointed to a series of small pictures that showed different images over the head of the warrior standing in front of Magmadar. Kenny practiced until the little pictures over his head matched those in the coloring book. Getting the order right was a little tricky at first, but soon he was confident.
Glowing, shiny things covered the raid group again as the wiggly fingers used up their blue. Then they sat down as Kenny practiced one last time. They really needed to kill Magmadar this time. The cave was starting to smell pretty bad and it was getting close to supper time.
Kenny was set in place now. Everything seemed to be ready but SuzyQ called out for everyone to wait. She walked over to Kenny, looked over her shoulder in such a way that everyone took three steps back out of reflex. She turned smiling back to Kenny.
Kenny, she said in a low voice. I sowwy. Here, and she cast a spell on him. Whu? It is a Spooky buff. Hopefuwy iddle hewp you fight da bad doggie. But dun tell anyone, cuz den they will all want one, she finished with her eyebrows drawn tight over her bright eyes.
Grinning, Kenny took off like a shot. He was screaming at Magmadar that he was gonna paper train Mags and make him do circus tricks for his Kindergarten class. Well that brought Magmadar out of his slumber and before the bad dog could do anything he was swatted across the nose by a yardstick.
With his tongue sticking out, Kenny did his little dance steps with Magmadar. He heard the Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaas from behind him, but he knew that he timed it right.
Hes getting huge-er again! Kenny called out. Got it! Peashooter called out, and as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Magmadar shrunk back down to merely huge.
N00bhatcher and Mouthcox watched the raid progress and decided to chip in. Walking cautiously up to Magmadar, scissors well out in front of him, n00bhatcher finally got into position then fled in terror. Regaining his composure, he walked back up to Magmarar then fled in terror again. He finally took out his slingshot and just started shooting stones at the beast.
Mouthcox decided that mudpies werent gonna be much good, so he made sure that Peashooter was warm and tingly. He didnt have the fuzzy spells like SuzyQ, but he could do a lil. Peashooter was getting very good at getting the Sit Shots down range but he couldnt quite keep up with how fast Mags got all huge-er. Kenny was doing a magnificent job holding the attention of Magmadar and eventually the bad dog died.
There were great cheers all around. Kenny walked back to the raid group with his bar of soap back in his mouth. He said some pretty foul things to Magmadar and figured that if he put the soap in his mouth first, he wouldnt have to tell his parents all the stuff he said.
WOOTS! cried out Ironbinky.
WOOTS! cried out the raid group.
[Nightcrawler Sweat Pants] and [Slingers Mark]! he called out.
Peashooter was given the [Slingers Mark] as a reward for his awesome job keeping Magmadar less than huge-er. There were great cheers when he received the sling. However, there was much discussion about the worm set for the rogues. Everyone looked at n00bhatcher and he looked away.
I sowwy, he said. I wewwy did twy.
Kenny, the shining hero of the last two fights nodded his head.
That settled it. n00bhatcher got the pants just because no one every played with the other rogues at recess.
Okay ebeybody, stone home. Well be back tomowwo. And Angus, Ironbinky stated. Tomowwow der wont be ANY cowah hounds!
For the first time in long time, Angus looked happy.
Chapter 12: RecessEdit
New Characters: Twitchy: Forsaken Rogue
The sun shone down brightly on the Happy Hordelings Day Care in Grom Gol. The sun always seemed to shine and so it was just another ordinary, perfect day. Classes let out for recess and a herd of screaming little hordelings streamed out of the large building and onto the fenced in playground.
Ironbinky went up to Mouthcox and pulled the little troll off to the side.
I wuz wooking at da By da Numbahs book between classes.
Which cwasses, asked Mouthcox.
Bloodletting and Fingah Paintin, but dat doesnt mattah, Ironbinky chastised. Da book distinkwy shows Trembler Totems all ober da pwace. Why deh-ehnt you dwop does totems?
Uh stammered Mouthcox. I dunno.
Ironbinky whacked Mouthcox upside the head with the coloring book.
Wearn to pway, n00b. I cant do evewyting. With that, Ironbinky stomped off, one hand holding up his britches.
There was a small crowd of his running mates clustered in a tight knot. Being a natural born leader also makes you incredibly nosey, so Ironbinky turned and walked directly towards the center of the knot. Once he arrived there he noticed what the fuss was all about. A very distraught SuzyQ was in the center of the knot. She was not doing well.
I cant beweeve I did-ed dat, she sniffled.
Whu happahn, asked Ironbinky.
I fowgot to take off my Didie ob Dawinity and my mommy saw it. She knew dat it only comes from dah Cowah so she knew da I went dewr. Huge sniffs and pouty faces ensued.
Murmurs of uh-oh and oh-no traveled around the small knot of toddlers. Ironbinky could sense what was coming next.
And den SuzyQs voice dropped to a shadowy whisper - den *mommy*, she hissed.
- MOMMY* decided to
At this point everyone was very worried because purple smoke started to rise above her ponytails. - GROUNDED ME! The shadowy whisper spat.
SuzyQ was full shadow now, her form lost to the void. Purple smoke rose from her head and the twisted whispers of the shadow realm seem to flow from her like water from a broken vase.
The knot of kindergartners gathered tightly around her, smothering her in their jackets and sweaters, trying to hold the smoke in. Angus tauren head poked up above everyone else, looking to see if the teachers saw SuzyQ bloom into shadow. Dozens of little hands gently pushed SuzyQ towards the bottom of their small hill near the corner of the fence.
Noffin to see hewer, called out Ironbinky. Frosty and Lilly were both whistling as they helped shoo the shadow priestess towards the corner. The shadow whispers were being really foul in their language and were cursing the evils of SuzyQs mean parents. Mouthcox had taken out a piece of scratch paper and was trying to write down, as best he could, some of the more choice phrases.
Kenny knelt in front of SuzyQ, grabbed her by the shoulders and demanded that she calm down. SuzyQ looked down on the orc warrior. Her eyes wide with pain and anger. Kenny gulped. Tiny troll hands grabbed Kennys head, covering his ears. Slowly, Kennys face began to melt. SuzyQ muttered horrible things about betrayal and unfair as Kennys face melted off of his skull. It took several seconds but by the time the little knot of toddlers passed, Kennys faceless body laid on the grassy knoll.
Mouthcox shot Kenny a rez before the teacher noticed.
First one today and we havent even had snack yet. n00b.
Gathered at the lowest part of the hill they could get to, the little people began to talk in low voices. They were trying to soothe SuzyQ, trying to get her out of shadow form. Ironbinky soon shushed them all and looked into the black eyes of SuzyQ.
SuzyQ, he started off softly. We wewl figwah sumphin out. Dis is not hewpin. Peas just kawm down. His eyes never left hers and his voice was slow, steady and soft. Finally, the purple smoke vanished and SuzyQ leaned into Ironbinky and cried a normal, non-face melting sorta cry. Kenny stayed up by the swings, rubbing his face.
Ironbinky looked around. He counted the heads until he lost count and decided that it was enough. Wook, I phink we should staht owah own guild.
Cheers broke out but were quickly hushed. Angus head popped over everyone elses to make sure that they were not found out by the authorities. Kenny saw the taurens head and decided it was time to come down to the gang again. His hands didnt leave his face though.
I phink we should cawl da guild or K.I.D. fer showt. That got approval fairly quickly, mostly because Ironbinky had already researched how to spell the very long words and no one really wanted to challenge it.
Whuddabout when wes all growed up and we still in da kindewgatten guild, challenged n00bhatcher.
I sweah that it fewls like Ive been lebbel 60 longah dan Ib been awive, muttered Frosty. That got a chorus of amens and the subject of guild name was dropped. That would be a discussion for another year. For now, the KIDs was sufficient. The charter was signed and everyone looked up over their heads.
ooooh. Aaaaaah. They said in unison. Over each of their heads were huge blue letters declaring them in
Niiiice. Woot! and other such phrases were tossed about for several minutes. Mouthcox managed to get a few screenies as well. It was a good thing.
Oh, dat weminds me, Ironbinky stated. I wood wike to bwing in a new wogue. Cmere Twitchy.
Right on cue, a lanky troll boy walked up. His steps were jerky and his hands shook. He was constantly looking over his shoulder.
Ye-y-yeah boss, he shook.
Twitchy hewr is a gweat rogue. He has da fastestest hands I ebah did see.
N00bhachter wondered what sort of wicked voodoo had twisted this poor soul. He was obviously either chemically dependent or warped beyond saving. His hands did move incredibly fast but the movement seemed so random.
We hab enuff robes, declared n00bhatcher.
Right, agreed Ironbinky. Forsaken Wogue #8675309!
Yeah boss, came a non-descript voice.
You gone, declared Ironbinky.
Cheers for Twitchy came over their new clandestine whisper frequency.
What was began forsaken rogue #8675309
A small forsaken was seen whaaaing up the hill towards the teacher.
Okay, we wewl meet in da Cowah after school like last time.
SuzyQ began to sniff again, but was comforted by Ironbinky. Dont wowwy SuzyQ. We wewl phink of sumptin. You will hab a spot.
She nodded and then returned with everyone to class. It was time for Gnomes and their Uses. Ironbinky hated the home making classes. At least this time they were supposed to have a live sample. Maybe that would be snack too.
Chapter 13: Back into the CoreEdit
Happy Hordelings Daycare let out right on time and a very excited group of belligerent Kindergartners ran towards the flight master. Angus paid the bribe (he had a few Wondermous Crystals left) and everyone hopped on the beasts for the long ride towards Kargath. This was one of Ironbinkys favorite parts. He could just sit back and enjoy the ride. The work was definitely ahead of them.
Once they landed, the raid group grouped up on a few Epic Kodos and rode five or six on each. Wind wiping through ponytails and unkempt hair, the kids were ecstatic to be going back into Molten Core. On the agenda today was Girly-Anna and Gahw. From what Ironbinky could gather from the coloring book, these two bosses were tricky, but not overly difficult. If they could down the bad dog, these two should be as good as dead.
Once that they snuck past the elf, the raid group began to buff and chatter about how wonderful today was going to be. Just then, Ironbinky got a private communication through his hearthstone.
SuzyQ to Iwonbinky, the soft voice whispered. SuzyQ to Iwonbinky, it repeated.
Dis is Iwonbinky, go ahead SuzyQ, he stated hopefully. She was already missed. As promised, he left a spot open for her just in case.
My mommy and daddy are in Bwak Wing Wair. Dey wewl be in dewr chewing glass for owahs.
Excewent! chimed Ironbinky.
My baby sittew is making out wif her boyfwend, so if you can summon me quick, I can make it. Dey wont miss me at awl!
Summon da SuzyQ! Ironbinky hollered.
Brittle, Angus, Kenny and n00bhatcher ran out of the instance. n00bhatcher ran up to the elf and kicked him in the shin, then ran around in circles while the others quickly ported SuzyQ. Once they all returned inside Molten Core, a cheer broke out, welcoming SuzyQ. SuzyQ blushed and made a soft meowing noise. That raised a few eyebrows, but did not dampen the now festive mood.
Awww poo, stated n00bhatcher. I fawt da giants and stuffs would be gone. We alweady done kewled dem once.
N-n-no prob man, said Twitchy. Just mo-more to k-kill. His hands twitched and jerked by his sides. Metal salad tongs spun quickly between his fingers.
Whaddaya using fow weapons Twitchy, n00bhatcher asked.
[Mommys Salad Tongs of the Goldfish] he answered. The set b-bonus is excewent.
The raid group waited to find out what the bonus was. They waited long enough and Mouthcox poked twitchy.
Oh, he jerked. It, uh, increases Spaz by five seconds., he finally replied.
Only n00bhatcher nodded. No one else had a clue what that meant. n00bhatcher looked sideways at Twitchy. It was more of a glare than a look. Twitchy was an odd one.
After a few minutes of buff love and assigning tanks (Angus and Kenny were the tanks, which made Kenny happy because he brought his tanking gear this time) everyone agreed that they were ready. Peashooters arm went up, a bouncing red arrow popped over the right giants head and a stone flew from his new sling.
Progress through the core went pretty smoothly. Daisy still enjoyed getting flung through the air by the surgers, Angus still pouted whenever he was forced into his fire resist bunny suit and SuzyQ gave the tanks much warm and fuzzy.
It wasnt until the Molten Destroyers that things started to turn for the worse. Angus and Kenny stood at the front of the group with Peashooter and Ironbinky, sizing up the Destroyer. No one wanted to tank it. There was much discussion until n00bhatcher walked up to the small group and belittled them all to the verge of tears.
Fine, sniffed Ironbinky. Wok, papah, sizzows.
Ironbinky lost. He demanded two out of three but was called a chicken by Mouthcox, who had managed to capture a few screenies of Ironbinky pouting over his loss. That did it. Ironbinky got ready. Peashooters arm went up, a gargantuan red arrow bounced off of the Destoryers head and Ironbinky charged.
And everyone just watched him go.
Ow! he cried out. OW OW OWWWW!
Both the giant and destroyer were beating on him. SuzyQ tried to heal, but he was just taking too much damage, too quickly.
HEEW DA BINKY! she screamed out, spamming My hots are too swow! Daisy replied, also healing for all she was worth. The other healers piped in with how they arent allowed to heal the main tank because SuzyQ had threatened to melt them all if they tried.
A one-two punch between the Destroyer and Giant cracked all the bones in Ironbinkys body, sending him several feet into the dirt. The pair of molten monstrosities then proceeded to rumble towards SuzyQ and Daisy.
WUN! SuzyQ cried out. As soon as she turned, her vision went black. She guessed that she was several feet underground. Daisy made it one additional step before getting plastered and very shortly after, thirty seven other kindergartners lay dead at the feet of the two giants.
-- Several minutes later.
Whu happen!? Ironbinky demanded.
n00bhatcher showed a screenie of the last two tanks playing rock, paper scissors with a running Ironbinky behind them. Grinning from ear to ear, n00bhatcher pointed out that Ironbinky never assigned a tank for the giant. The n00b was unspoken, for once. Ironbinky smacked his head with his hand. He turned towards Angus, who flinched.
Angus, Ironbinky sighed, youre da off tank. You take da giant. Ironbinky looked deflated. He looked over at SuzyQ for support. She just stuck her tongue out at him then placed her hands on her hips defiantly challengingly.
Ironbinky ran his hand through his thin hair and muttered about being too young for this .
Once ready, Peashooters arm went up, another huge red arrow bounced over the head of the Destroyer and Ironbinky asked if everyone was ready. Once he received confirmation, he took off, looking over his shoulder as Angus followed him in.
A few seconds into the combat, Twitchy showed up. His hands were a blur of motion. Salad Tossers were flung in every direction, hitting both molten juggernauts. In fact, it was almost artful, the way that he struck back-handedly, spun the salad spoons and then struck again. His motions were like a drummer on way, way too much coffee. Daisy even began to tap her foot to the speed-metal beat as she tossed Twitchy a heal.
In mid stroke, the Destroyer turned on Twitchy.
Aggwo! Twitchy called out and vanished. He then twitch-swung his fork around and stuck it into the back of the enemy, pulling him back out of stealth and racking up more combo points. The rhythm of his salad tongs continued, albeit a little slower.
The two towers of terror soon dropped and Ironbinky stated how impressed with Twitchy he was. This was his first time of really seeing Twitchy up close since he was now tanking.
Th-thanks, he twitched, spinning the utensils and placing them in his belt.
Looking on in horror, n00bhatcher muttered something about combat build rogues. Ironbinky overheard and asked what build the hatcher was. Looking around at nothing in particular, the forsaken child muttered something.
Whuwudat? Ironbinky asked. Now the entire raid group was suddenly interested in n00bhatchers build. He would have to do something about Twitchy, and fast.
Aggravation and Sarcasm, he stated flatly and walked off towards Girly-Annas chamber. Twitchy found a pretty rock and was oblivious to the entire exchange.
Before long, the raid group found themselves staring at Gehennas and his two guards. Ironbinky called out a bio break before they fought the lizard boss. The boys and girls separated to different parts of the cave and chatted lightly, yet nervously.
Chapter 14: Girly-AnnasEdit
This chapter is dedicated to da Sussy.
New Character: Nerfhoof: Tauren Shaman
Buffzeses, called out Ironbinky. Much glowing ensued as everyone wandered into a pack again.
Awight, Ironbinky called out. For some reason, starting a sentence with okay, or alright seemed the thing to do before disseminating important information. Any other opener was simply ignored, along with the majority of what was said afterwards. Puzzeling, but a lesion Ironbinky learned at a very young age.
Da by dah numbuhs book says dat we hab to pull da two adds away from da girly-annas. Den we keewl one, den we keewl girly-annas and den come back to keewl da last lil dude. He closed the book confidently.
Das not how my daddys guild do it, n00bhatcher mumbled very loudly. Mine neever, agreed Mouthcox. Dats stoopid, chimed in Brittle. We aww gunna die if you do dat, he added with confidence.
Everyone started piping up with their own versions of how to do it, how their parents guild kill Gehennas every day and so on and so on. It got to the point where forty people were talking and no one was listening.
SHUUUUDAP! Ironbinky bellowed. Iz yowah mommies and daddies heweh?! Are dey membahs of da KIDs? NoooOOoOOoOOoooOo! he finished dramtically.
We aww gunna do it dis way and dats it!
This guild sucks, came a mutter from an anonymous member. Eweetest jewks, piped up another non-descript voice.
Ironbinky growled but ignored everyone (without actually IGNORING) them. ANGUS, he snapped, You tank Girly-Annas. I wewl tank da first boss to die, Kenny, you get da one we kewl last. And dats FINAHW!
Frosty, set up a decuwse gwoop ober dawh. SuzyQ weew gib you a pweest and you weew need a shamanzes too.
Mutters followed the tanks and decursers go to their locations.
Peashootawh, puw de adds to da tanks and den Angus weew chawge in.
Peashooter shot Ironbinky an uncertain grin and stepped forward. Arm went up, a huge red arrow showed up over the right guards head and the sling was loosed. All three of the bad guys went straight for Peashooter who kept plunking at the one as he backed up towards Ironbinky. Angus charged in and began to insult Gehennas. Kenny ran in and poked his target in the tummy and started to wonder out loud if the lizard beast was a boy or a girl, enraging the creature.
Suddenly everyone was stunned. Fire began to rain down on the raid group. SuzyQ was set on fire and was running around trying to put herself out while still trying to heal Angus. Daisy started to laugh as the ponytails left trails of smoke, but another wave of stun went off and she was suddenly very busy admiring her slippers.
SPWED OUT! Ironbinky hollered.
not how you sposed to do it, someone muttered.
Once Gehennas was backed away from the raid and the two adds were spread out, things settled down a little. However, the group healing Angus kept getting consumed by the fire. They were barely holding on and Mouthcox was, surprisingly, doing a great deal of healing trying to keep SuzyQ and Daisy alive.
A tight knot of kindergartners shuffled as one over to Gehennas once their guard was killed. As they approached, another wave of fire rained down upon them, centered on SuzyQ. Twitchy fell to the ground and began to flop around like a dying fish. When he noticed SuzyQ standing there, hair on fire, clothes burning and yet just staring at him open mouthed, he felt obligated to justify his seemingly odd behavior.
Uh, s-s-stop, drop and and and roll, he twitched as he continued to flop around on the ground in the middle of the rain of fire. SuzyQ was dumbstruck. How was that possible? She couldnt roll, or even really drop effectively. Watching Twitchy roll around on the ground, she realized that he wasnt having much luck either. Glancing up at her bars, she saw that she was in the red.
HEEW DA SUZYQ! she screamed. She looked around frantically, but everyone was already either running on fire or dead.
She and Twitchy died very close together and Ironbinky was soon to follow.
-- Several minutes later
Ironbinky looked over his demoralized, freshly rezzed raid group and asked what went well and where they need to improve. Dozens of voices chimed in all at once.
My mommyies guhwd do it bettah. We need fiyah wesist gewah. Put the adds togevah. Keep da adds furder apaht. Keewl Girly-Anna fewst. Hewahs suck. That one made everyone shut up for a second and stare at SuzyQ. She was not meowing now.
SHUUUUDAP! Ironbinky hollered out a gain. He glanced at the coloring book before stuffing it back in his knapsack, unread.
Awright, he started off. It wooked wike onwy da heewahs wew getting fired on fewst. We need to hab more peeps beating oh Girly-Annas in da beginning. He paused to think. Mewee weew take down da adds by demselbes. All wanged weew beat in Girly-Annas. Once da adds aww dead, den mewee weew join in. SuzyQ, wine up da heewahs fow mewee peas.
Mutters spread around, but by the lack of outright protest, Ironbinky assumed that people were generally happy with this plan.
Whaddabout an out of combat wezzer? a voice not to be revealed piped up.
Shhhhhhh, Ironbinky chastised. Whu? Its not bad, said anonymous. Ironbinky pondered for a moment. Okay, but we need a shamenzes to do eet.
No, we need a GOOD shamenzes to do it. You just wandah wawound wooking busy dwoppin lumbah.
That hurt Mouthcox, but he couldnt argue.
Nerfhoof coughed. Tentatively, he raised his hand.
Excewent! Ironbinky declared. Nerfhoof weew be dah outta combat wezzer.
Nerf Shaman, n00bhatcher joked.
SHUDDAP! thirty nine voices sang in unison. Gawd, SuzyQ muttered, rolling her eyes. Woll a nelf huntah, for pities sake, she continued bitterly.
Nerf, head obah to da decurse gwoop peas, Ironbinky asked gently. You never wanted to irritate your out of combat rezzer.
Looking over the raid group, Ironbinky called for the pull. Arm, arrow and sling bullet followed in rapid succession. The tanks grabbed their baddies and split them up. Mages, locks and hunters pounded on Gehennas. When the fire came, it was targeted all over the place except on the healers. Melee eventually downed one add, then the other. When they turned to Gehennas, he she whatever, was already half way to dead.
WOOT! cried Ironbinky from pure joy over their pending success.
Woot aweady? n00bhatcher asked.
No, Woot as in yippe n00b.
With the combined might of the melee and ranged damage, Gehennas did not stand for long. Nerfhoof was running around like mad, bringing up anyone that was unfortunate enough to fall. Frosty was pulling the ickies off of the good guys at best possible speed and Mouthcox ensured that SuzyQ and Daisy stayed alive. In short, it was as close to flawless as a rag-tag group of kindergartners will get it. Kenny was rezzed at least three times, but thats okay. They won and that is why they were so happy.
WOOT! cried out Ironbinky once everyone was rezzed.
Yay us! n00bhatcher declared, trying to make up for his apparent greed. It wasnt supposed to be apparent.
No, WOOT and in Phat Woot, you n00b!
[Angry Dirt Mittens] and [Bug Stomper Boots], Ironbinky sang out to cheers and groans.
It was decided that the Mittens should go to Nerfhoof on the grounds that he was the only shaman that seemed to be doing anything. Peashooter was nominated for the boots just because the other hunters well they didnt seem to do a whole lot either.
ty, ty, said Peashooter.
Tea? Ironbinky asked.
No, phank you, Peashooter corrected.
Geez man, just say phank you den, retorted Ironbinky.
Nerfhoof looked at his new mittens with awe. His huge tauren eyes wouldnt leave his new prize. A soft, whoa, finally escaped his lips. SuzyQ asked him what was wrong.
I pwn now, was all he said as he walked away grinning broadly. His name went from blue to yellow and SuzyQ doubted it would ever be blue again. She shook her head. Another shaman lost to PvP glory.
Chapter 15: Love the Locks Youre WithEdit
After basking in their victory for several seconds, the Kindergartners in Disguise decided that it was time to move on to Garr. There were many roaming beasties in between them and Garr, but they could already see the rock lord deep in the chamber. Their next victim was close at hand.
Peashooter and Ironbinky made haste guiding the happy band of misfits through the baddies that surrounded Garr. In no time, they were standing in front of Garr in an otherwise empty chamber. Being the main healer, this was the first time that SuzyQ actually got to look at Garr.
Oh my, SuzyQ breathed. Wook at dem, she gasped, pointing to the minions hovering around Garr.
Ironbinky looked at the minions, then back over at SuzyQ. Her eyes were getting larger. Her hands were closing together under her chin and her ponytails began to droop.
Dey aww sooooo Kewt! she muttered with a huge, puppy-dog grin spreading over her face. Dey hab iddle wok feets and iddle wok awms. She breathed deeply and let out a sigh of utter contentment.
Ironbinky ran over to her, followed closely by Kenny, Angus and Peashooter. Four sets of hands covered her eyes at the same time, nearly knocking her down.
Dey aww *not* kewt, argued Ironbinky. Dey aww all bad!
A muffled sound came from under the mass of hands and arms wrapped around SuzyQs head. It was too late. The memories of the cuteness burning her little bones to ash came flooding back to her.
Purple surrounded the dog-pile of kindergartners. In a burst of dark smoke, a Forsaken, two Orc and one Tauren child scattered, screaming for their mommies. In the middle of the fleeing mass was a tiny troll girl-child. Purple smoke rose from her in ominous clouds. Her eyes were no longer gentle and caring, but were dark and more than a little spooky looking. Her ponytails were stuck straight out and swayed in an unfelt breeze.
Da Kewtness must DIE! the shadow whispers joined in an un-holy shout.
Twitchy had no idea what was going on as he watched the cutest little ball of hate he had ever seen walk towards Garr and his flock of minions. He twitched in an uncaring sort of way and started walking towards Garr. He ignored the dark whispers coming from SuzyQ. We all have our moments, he thought. Who was he to judge?
Ironbinky snapped out of his fear and charged SuzyQ, stunning her for a second. She was mere yards away from Garr at this point and any closer and well they would all be dead.
The short stun was enough for SuzyQ to loose her focus on the kewtness. Ironbinky took this time to turn her around and hurry her over to a wall near Garr. Whispering in her ear the entire time about how the raid group needed her to heal and how the cuteness would die as long as she was healing, she began to calm down.
The final straw that pulled her out of her shadow wrath was when he placed the green bars of everyone in the raid group in front of her. While facing the wall, it was much easier for her to see the dozens of bars that meant that the raid group was still alive.
SuzyQ, he pleaded. See deez bawuhs? Wook at am aww. Ifn dey go wed, we aww die. Den de kewtness wins! SuzyQ was nodding her head slowly.
We cant hab de kewtness win, SuzyQ. He whispered. Finally, the shadow faded from her as she looked at forty little green bars.
Okay but Binky, she asked softly.
Yeah, he answered tentatively.
She placed a hand on his small shoulder.
Kewl da kewtness fo me.
Okay SuzyQ. We weewl. He gently patted the troll priestess child. She was a handful, but she was also the best they had.
Once calm returned to the raid group and SuzyQ was under control, Ironbinky addressed the raid group to explain how they were gonna handle this fight. This was trickier more than most considering that Garr has eight little minions. Ya know the cute ones.
Okay, he traditionally started, de way dis weew wok is pwiddy compwicated. I am gunna scoot awound de wade gwoop and pair up huntahs wif woks. Huntahs weew mark da woks tahget and den, when weddy, da woks weew banish dem.
There was much scratching of heads as people took in how it was going to happen.
Wawwiahs weew get der tahgets fum pweests mind-contwow. Angus weew tank Gahw until we weddy ta kewl him. We kewl aww da iddle wok guys, den Gahw. Umkay?
Woks banish, den eberyone fowwow me.
Main assist for the win.
Ooooh. Okay. Why deh-ehnt he say dat in da be-gehnin, several people asked.
One by one, hunters marks showed up over the little tumblers. One by one, the warlocks called out that they had their targets. That left three little guys left over. Tiny little eyeballs showed up over the priests heads, then over the tumblers. After each set of eyes, a warrior called out that they had their target. Soon, all eight minions had either a warrior or a warlock poised and locked on.
Ironbinky looked over the raid group. He was pleased to see that SuzyQ was still facing the wall, surveying all the little green bars that were in front of her. She was shifting back and forth, anticipating the death of the cuteness.
De woks weew staht da puww, den da we weew chawge Ironbinky stated. Weddy when you aww.
Five of the minions suddenly stopped moving. The remaining three and Garr began to streak towards Brittle, who immediately took off running in the opposite direction. Something about not getting hit in the face was all that could be heard.
The warriors charged in and Angus ran straight up to Garr and began to insult the huge rock giant. Ironbinky headed towards Kennys target first and commanded that everyone kill Kennys target first.
Suddenly, everyone near Garr started to walk really slowly. It was as if the whole raid group was summoned to dinner and Brussel Sprouts were the main course. That complicated things a little, but Ironbinky and the raid group were focused on Kennys minion.
Twitchy was somehow unaffected by the brussle sprout debuff. He made it to Kennys minion first and started his drum routine. Fire, ice and spooky bolts followed and shortly after they started, the first minion was reduced to rubble.
Shifting to the next minion, Ironbinky noticed that there were several minions loose and running through the back of the raid group. Squishies were getting creamed right and left.
Wee banish! he called out. Brittle was still running for his life.
Stop wunnin and wee banish! If I stop, I weew be kewld! Brittle called out while his little dead feet churned full force. If you dun stawp, Iww keel you myself! Ironbinky shot back.
Brittle stopped and turned to face the rumbler that was closing down on him. He got smacked in the face once, but managed to get the rumbler banished. The other locks, seeing that they would not indeed die, did the same.
Dat is my wumbwuh, one of the warlocks called out. No, dat wun is mine, another shot back. You banished mine! MINE! minemineminemineminemine!
Meanwhile, a rumbler was crushing people faster than nerfhoof could rez them.
Just banish one! Ironbinky called out while trying to get towards the second minion scheduled to die.
Eventually the three un-banished rumblers were dead. Fearing for the status of his raid group, and seeing that the warlocks were sorting out whos rumber was whos, Ironbinky changed his mind.
Kewl Gawh, he said. We weew kewl da udder ones waytah. Aww in on Gawh!
And so it was. Angus, who was doing a marvelous job of insulting Garr and keeping the rock lords attention, was basking in the warm and fuzzies from SuzyQ. Main tanking was good, he decided.
Sling bullets, ice, fire, white bolts and purple spooky flew towards Garr. Ironbinky was starting to feel pretty good until he heard a rumble behind him. Turning around, he noticed a loose rumbler scrambling towards them. And then
The rumbler was blow up by Garr right on top of the melee group. Flying through the air, Ironbinky noticed that his green bar was nearly out of red and when he landed, it was all gone. Poo, the thought, as his spirit watched the rest of the battle.
The last four of the rumblers seem well contained and Garr was getting weaker and weaker. Twitchy was chipping away at the backside of Garr and right next to him was n00bhatcher. The two of them seemed locked in some sort of private competition that only n00bhatcer was aware of.
Hands and salad forks moving in a blurr, Twitchy was leaving deep gouge marks in Garrs rock hide. n00bhatcher was doing his best to keep up. His tongue was out and his concentration was intense. Glancing over, n00bhatcher noticed that the spot that Twitchy was working on was beginning to spark. Speeding up his efforts, n00bhatcher glanced over again just as a small fire erupted on Garrs backside from Twitchys furious onslaught. That was it. Throwing his weapons down, n00bhatcher walked away and pulled out his slingshot.
Garr finally burst into a pile of rocks.
Cheers broke out until Brittle was seen screaming through the raid group, being chased by a rumbler. Ironbinky began to chase it down, but then it was banished. He turned to another one that was just released from its banishment and focused the fire of the raid group. Then it too, was banished.
Awight someone wet one go!
Five seconds later, all four remaining rumblers were running amok, slicing through the raid group.
Ack! Banish! BANISH!
All four rumblers were banished nearly instantly. This continued for several minutes.
Bwiddle, wet yours go. Ebewyone else, banish. Gawd peepow!
Eventually, with the help of Nerfhoof rezzing the fallen the entire fight, Garr *and* all the minions were dead.
Ironbinky was rezzed quickly and he went over to Garrs corpse.
WOOTS! he called out.
Unsure of how to respond, n00bhatcher just said yay sort of quietly.
[Glowing Meat Tenderizer] and [Spikey Hat] he called out.
Ooohs and Aaahs and a few mutters of discontent were heard in the echoing chamber.
Da meat tendewizer can go to wots of peepows, Ironbink said to the raid. There was much discussion and a few people were chosen. After a lot of rock, paper and scissors, Daisy was chosen to have it.
There was a great deal of back slapping and cheers as the druid picked up the tiny mace er meat tenderizer. She was grinning broadly.
The Spikey hat went to Ironbinky and he was quite pleased with himself and his raid group.
Good job ebewybody. Good job. We need to geh movin if we gonna get Geddon befow dinnah.
With that, everyone prepared for the Barron. SuzyQ got a gentle pat on the back from Ironbinky and others in the raid group. Ironbinky leaned close and whispered in here ear how they had killed the cuteness. She smiled as they got ready to go after Barron Geddon.
((edit: I was gonna have them stone home and then fight the baron. In retrospect, they should just go after Geddon, then stone. sorry for the confusion))
Chapter 16: Lava Packs and Hunter LoveEdit
Everyone was still riding high from their defeat of Garr. The rock lord was no match for the combined might of forty very angry and well equipped pre-schoolers. Now, their sights were on Barron Geddon. But first, they would have to get through a few lava packs. Ironbinky pulled out his By the Numbers coloring book and sat down to flip through the pages. His tongue was stuck on his top lip as he studied the drawings.
Awight, he called out. It wooks wike dese hewah waba packs are pwetty easy. Aww we weew hab to deew wif are two fiwah dudes and two rumblahs. No pwobwem, he stated confidently. Just to be shuwah, we aww need to put on owah fiwah wesist gewah.
Groans echoed loudly throughout the cave as the little hordelings slowly put on their fire resist gear. Twitchy didnt seem to mind at all as he put on his leather fire resist gear. He put on his [Hamster Gloves of Fire Retardation], Hamster ears, leggings and slippers followed. He didnt have the full set but it was enough to warrant putting on. When Twitchy looked up, he saw SuzyQ in a whole new light.
Standing before him was a tiny troll girl with hair sticking out in ponytails and clad from head to toe in full kitty regalia. Evidently, the cloth fire resist gear was the kitty set. SuzyQ was dressed in an orange tabby outfit complete with furry pointy ears sticking straight up over her pony tails. She even had the tail enchant. The slippers had been de-clawed but looked very snuggly.
Moping along in front of the raid group, n00bhather was dragging his tableware behind him. He hated his fire resist gear like everyone else. He regretted having ninjad ever last piece of it because now he had to wear the whole set.
His little hamster ears and tiny, rice-like hamster tail bobbed as he walked. Lilly let out a gasp. Suddenly, in all of the fuzzy hamster gear, n00bhatcher was no longer a useless mana sponge. He was an adorably useless mana sponge. Lilly waved shyly at the little forsaken rogue and shifted the dirt at her feet. She gave him the Im not stoopid anymore buff just because. She really didnt think he needed it. Not really.
Once everyone was done mocking and admiring, Ironbinky walked up the front of the raid group. He instructed everyone to form a semi-circle around the cave entrance. Explaining that the bad guys would come through the tunnel and that the warlocks would banish the rocks and Kenny and Angus would tank the fire things. He was main assist so everyone should pound on his target.
It was too quiet, he thought to himself. There was no way everyone was listening to him.
What is gowin on, he finally asked.
Everyone just pointed to SuzyQ, who was wreathed in purple fire.
Whu happen, he sighed.
n000bhatcha has to die, her shadowy voice whispered. Looking over at the rogue, Ironbinky noticed that he did, indeed, look incredibly cute in his full hamster set.
SuzyQ was becoming increasingly frustrated that she could not kill him. No Dueling Allowed, was being spammed over her head in big red letters. Target is Friendly, you cannot attack that target.
Sticking out his tongue, n00bhatcher inadvertently sealed his own fate. Over the secret let them all die channel SuzyQ had set up, wagers were being made as to how long the n00b would live without any heals. Not a one. SuzyQ placed her bet at ten seconds. Daisy was less hopeful and put it at 6.
Placing the bets and the general comforting of the raid group (and the secret channel letting her know that the cute hamster would indeed die swiftly) helped calm SuzyQ down enough to exit shadow form. She always missed shadow form, but the Angus in his bunny suit would need some healin powah.
Ironbinky told Peashooter how the pull would go. The pet was to go in, under Peashooters direct control and pull the baddies to the raid group.
Peashooter looked down at his little tabby cat. His eyes swelled as he looked back up at Ironbinky.
But tabby weew diiiiEEeee! he cried. Tears began to run down his green orc cheeks.
Ironbinky blinked. So? Did ya bwing wots of kibbles fowah dat cat?
Dats not da point! Peashooter argued. Maybe YOU showd puww. Den we can see how YOU wike it! He was blubbering now and squeezing Tabby very tighly, but the kitty just purred at his masters touch.
Dood, Ironbinky argue back. Bettah da kitty den da HUNTAH!
Peashooter was not convinced. He lovingly stroked his little tabby cat. Ironbinky muttered something unkind about pet-specced hunters and kicked Peashooter in the chin. Still blubbering, Peashooter set Tabby on the ground, gave the little animal one last loving pet and then took control of his beloved cat.
Incoming, Peashooter sobbed. Rampaging through the tunnel were two lava and two rock elementals. They raced up to where Peashooter was kneeling (he collapsed before they made it to him) and started to beat on him. He just continued to sob as Angus and Kenny charged and mocked the fire elementals.
Ive got aggwo! Brittle called out as he ran away from one of the rock elementals he was trying to banish. The other elemental turned into a shadowy form of itself as it was successfully banished.
AGGWO! he kept hollering as he ran around in circles.
9 SECONDS! SuzyQ hollered out for no apparent reason while pointing at the corpse of n00bhatcher.
AAAAGGGGWWWOOOO! Brittle shrieked.
Just bamish it aweady! Ironbinky shot back. I CANT! Why not?! Ironbinky demanded. CUZ I HAB AGGWO! SO! Just bamish it!
Making a vicious looking poopy-face, Brittle turned around and started to banish his rock elemental. Before the spell was half over, he was dead. At that point, the first lava elemental had died and so Angus rushed over and began to make fun of the rock elemental.
SEE! said a disturbed voice from beyond the grave. I TOWD YOU!
whatevah, several people mumbled.
Once the lava pack was cleared out and everyone was rezzed, Ironbinky looked around for Peashooter. And he kept looking. He finally found the little orc hunter at the far end of the cave clutching a tiny dead kitten. The sounds that Peashooter was letting escape his lips were not manly not manly at all!
Puww youwsef togevah man! Ironbinky scolded. It took several seconds but eventually Peashooter was standing up, still cradling his precious tabby.
Just wez da kitty and lets go. We hab anovah waba pack to cwear befo Get-on.
Peashooter looked at Ironbinky. He blinked. Ironbinky could almost see the tiny candle flicker over the orcs head.
Wearn to pway youwah cwass, n00b, Ironbinky muttered. The sound of a hunter rezzing his pet could be heard as Ironbinky shook his head, walking away.
Chapter 17: Lava Pack the Second.Edit
Peashooter had recovered from his episode and had Tabby back by his side. The kitty looked fresh as new fallen snow Peashooter was a mess, however. He pulled out a tissue and blew his nose loudly, then stuck it back in his pocket. Yeah, Orc snot is pretty disgusting.
Ironbinky was surprised at how well the first lava pack went. Although Nerfhoof had to rez several people, including n00bhatcher nearly a dozen times, it seemed to go pretty smoothly. Maybe his peeps were better than he gave them credit for.
Ebwewon weddy? he asked. The glowing subsided as people were rebuffed and general mutters of ready made their way up to Ironbinky. Lilly was off in a corner scribbling something furiously, but it was dismissed out of hand. She was an odd one, Ironbinky conceded. Between her and Frosty, he was sure that no sheep would ever be safe. Baaaa is supposed to mean no. They were taught that just the other day. It was no surprise when Frosty and Lilly both failed that little test.
Slipped into his bony little hand, n00bhatcher got a note from Lilly:
I lik Yo. Do Yo lik me? YES [ ] no [ ]
He blinked. Then he looked over at SuzyQ and smiled a most spiteful smile, as if his heart were three sizes too small. He checked Yes and handed it back.
SuzyQ called after n00bhatcher, Go get em Rice-Tail! Her laughter echoed off the cavernous walls as Peashooter took over his tabby cat and had it run through the tunnel. Lilly was not liking the SuzyQ about now. A tongue sticking out did not adequately express her dislike, but the rest was not allowed until she was older.
OooooOoooh TaaaAaaaby, Peashooter called out in grief. He made a great sniffle and announced the incoming baddies.
The two fire elementals streaked towards Peashooter again. One of the earth elementals was banished by Brittle very early and the other soon after. Angus and Kenny streaked in on the fire elementals and started to beat on them. Ironbinky chose Kennys target and after a short pause, began to go to work as well. Twitchy showed up and was playing the drums with his salad tongs. Even n00bhatcher joined in and promptly died.
Six! Daisy hollered out with glee. That snapped SuzyQ out of her tongue I-hate-you-more war with Lilly. Oh Noes! She wasnt healing.
Kenny fell. Angus fell. The two fire elementals rampaged through the raid group. SuzyQ spammed on Ironbinky which made one of the fire elementals turn on her. She went down in a blaze. Brittle tried to stop casting his spooky bolt, but he just couldnt. He loved the big numbers.
oh noes, he muttered.
His elemental was no longer banished and joined the three rampaging elementals. Nerfhoof was rezzing as fast as he could but a ring of fire caught him. Ironbinky was barking orders but it was already over. The kindergartners were running in all directions. Each was blaming the other as their hair was set on fire or their heads were being bashed in.
Peashooter was only pretending to be dead long enough to get the elementals off of him, then he ran down the tunnel to get his tabby cat. He rezzed the kitty and then tried that elf trick of going away without going anywhere. Needless to say it didnt work. When the elementals had finished killing everyone they could find they entered the tunnel to go back to their happy spot.
Peashooter and his freshly rezzed kitty were not even a speed bump.
--- Several minutes later. ---
Whu happan! Ironbinky demanded.
Lilly and SuzyQ pointed at each other and started talking way too fast for a boy to understand. He was wise beyond his years and waited for them to finish on their own.
It took a while.
Done? He finally asked. Then he had to wait for a few more long minutes as they ganged up on him, their new joint-enemy. Wise beyond years does not mean he actually *understood* girls. He just knew when to shut up on occasion.
Mouthcox had several new screencaps that he was showing off to n00bhatcher. One was of Peashooter sobbing over his dead cat. Several were of SuzyQ running while on fire and the coup de gras was of n00bhatcher himself, on fire while getting his head pounded in and his rice-tail sticking out. Unbeknownst to Mouthcox, n00bhatcher slipped some mind-numbing poison in the shamans water. THEN he laughed.
Wine up in yowah positions, Ironbinky called out. Get weddy and dun muff it up again peepowah! Gawd!
Peashooter looked around. He set is cat down and looked back at the raid group. The cat was starting to twitch randomly and smelt distinctly burnt. The purrs were over and when Peashooter took control, a low growl was heard for a moment. Off the kitty ran.
WhaaaAAaaa Peashooter called out.
Incoming, announced Ironbinky as Peashooter collapsed to his knees again.
The flame elementals were picked up by the tanks, who promptly got heals from Daisy and SuzyQ. The rock elementals were banished straight away and the raid went to work on Angus target this time.
15 seconds en he not ded yet!! Who heawin da n00b!? SuzyQ hollered out.
Mouthcox piped up that he did and stuck his tongue out. For some strange reason, n00bhatcher looked most upset. Glancing over at Mouthcox through his hamster whiskers, he noticed that the troll had begun to wander around aimlessly. A small tendril of drool was hanging from one of his tusks. Then the troll flopped on the ground and started to count his toes with a look of sublime rapture on his face.
Twenny seconds is too wong, SuzyQ muttered. Dats wike forevah for da n00b. Un-aseppable.
Nerfhoof had given up on rezzing n00bhatcher, complaining about rogues being mana-sponges and focused on the rest of the raid. As they would drop, he would rez. No one called out for shaman to be nerfed anymore.
The last lava pack was dispatched in short order once everyone took it seriously. Brittle didnt even run when he got aggro. He just stood there and wet himself until someone pulled the baddie off of him. He only needed two rezzes that fight, so it was going much better.
WOOT! Ironbinky called out once the lava pack was dead and (mostly) everyone was rezzed.
He then held up a [Spiky Bracelet] for everyone to see. It was agreed that, since there werent any dogs to turn Angus into a sniveling coward, that he should have the bracelet. Blushing, Angus accepted the loot. He even got a wink from Daisy, who helped him put it on. She even took a few moments to adjust his ears and tail.
Ironbinky leaned over to Angus once Daisy had left. Its aww abowt da umifowm. Womenzes lub a mang in a umifowm. He winked at Angus who just blushed again.
Chapter 18: You da bomb is!Edit
Morale was high as the gaggle of toddlers bounced around waiting for their fearful raid leader to dictate their strategy and for the pull. Ironbinky was studying the Molten Core by the Numbers coloring book. A frown spread over his young face as he flipped through dozens of pages all about Barron Geddon. Everyone else was pretty much oblivious to the upcoming combat but Ironbinky was growing more and more concerned. By the time he flipped the last page on the fight, he was looking very concerned indeed.
Whoa peepowh. Dis is gonna be nastah. That brought silence to the raid group. The dancing stopped. Everyone turned to Ironbinky to await guidance.
Da Get-on does some wikked ebil fiyah dambage. It comes out in wabes and gets worser and worser wif each one. Onwy tanks weew be on da Get-on cuz I fink da wogues would aww dieded weewy fast.
SuzyQ nodded at Daisy. They would make sure that n00bhatcher died fast no matter what. Twitchy well, he was fun to watch so they may allow a shaman to throw a fuzzy at him every now and then. Mouthcox was recovering from his (temporary) idiocy and was now looking pure hate at n00bhatcher. It was decided that he would be the covert rezzer and Nerfhoof would be the fuzzy-chucker.
Not onwy does da Get-on hab dat fiyah wabe stuffs, he awso makes peepowh into a bomb. There were many quizzical looks and Ironbinky sighed as he continued explaining. Der is dis fing dat he does dat makes peepowh blowed up. I dunno what happens eggzakwy, but dees dwahings show peepowh getting bwowed up all ober da pwace. He passed the By the Numbers book around to the raid group.
What we need to hab is a pwace for peepowh to go when dey need to bwo up. It wooks wike anywhewh der is a wo ceewing shouwd be fine. He ran to all the places that looked to be safest and hopped up and down to make sure that people saw where he was.
When da Get-on comes to us, we weew make a wing awound him. Onwy Angus and da Kenny weew be hittin on him. Ebewyone ewse just use wanged weapuns and bwo up somewhew safe.
There was a little more discussion on what gear should be used and everyone but Kenny and Angus were very pleased to get out of their fire resist costumes. Angus sighed heavily as Daisy fixed his ears for the tenth time in a row.
Ironbinky was furiously setting up dozens of macros and tweaks to make sure that everyone knew exactly what was going on. Magic is a powerful thing and when combined with a kindergartners sense of urgency there is precious little that can stand in the way of success. He set his stone to auto-whisper rude comments about being the bomb and managed to figure out a way to scream in huge white words to everyone who the bomb was. He eventually managed a complicated bit of tweaking that would whisper quite an annoying message to whoever was the bomb, tell everyone else to avoid that person AND throw in a rude gesture to boot.
All seemed ready. The buff love was distributed; everyone knew to not go near Geddon and to run away if they were the bomb. What could possibly go wrong, Ironbinky thought. His confidence grew as the raid group spread out in a semi-circle. Mouthcox was pulling lint out of his belly button in the back corner.
Peashooter set Tabby down on the ground. The tiny tabby cat was smoldering and had patches of fur missing. It shook randomly and had its ears pressed firmly back. When Peashooter took over the animal, a low, wailing growl echoed through the tunnel as it ran to get pull Barron Geddon.
Run kitty! RUN! Peashooter called out. No one could see what he was doing or what he was seeing, but they could see the look on his face. Feet shifted nervously as the tiny Orc hunters face grew more and more concerned. NoooOOooOoOo! You batahd!
Barron Geddon appeared in the tunnel and fire shot out from underneath him in waves as Peashooter continued to curse Barron Geddon. Suddenly, Peashooter was covered in swirling orange flames although he was well outside of the rings of fire.
You da bomb is, Peashootah! Ironbinky shouted out. Who da bomb is? he asked. You da bomb is! WUUN! Peashooter screamed, turned around with horror on his face. I dun wanna be da bomb! He began to run directly away from Barron Geddon which was straight for Angus and Kenny. Swirling fire enveloped the hunter as he streaked screaming towards the two tanks.
Wun da udder way! Ironbinky shouted. Peashooter was not listening. He just lost his kitty again and now he was about to explode. Screaming, arms flailing, tears streaking down his face, Peashooter ran right between Angus and Kenny.
Peashooter went straight up in the air. Angus and Kenny fell over, barely clinging to life as Peashooter rocketed up to the ceiling. Peashooter was grinning as his launch reached its apex.
I deh-enht die! he called out exuberantly. He hit the ground with an almighty crunch and promptly was killed. The healers refused to heal the idiot while he soared through the air. He did not run to a safe place, and was therefore not worth their mana, apparently. Angus and Kenny, however, were the victims of someone elses stupidity and therefore were warm and fuzzied back to as close to full life as SuzyQ and Daisy could muster.
Peashooters corpse lay in a burned, bone-crushing heap. His spirit received many, many private messages from the entire raid group that let him know just how stupid he was. Even Daisy was rude to him. Realizing that was not going to be joining the fight anytime soon, Peashooter decided his spirit needed a smoke break anyway and wandered off for a good pull off some Peacebloom. He always wanted to try Dreamfoil, but you needed to be 18 for that.
Angus, once he was fully healed from SuzyQ and Daisy ran up to Barron Geddon and began to challenge the fire lords sexual orientation and declared that Barron Geddon was a coward based on the urine color flames the swirled around him. Barron Geddon responded by bashing the tiny Tauren over the head and then promptly turned Angus into a bomb as well.
You da bomb is Angus! Ironbinky shouted, whispered, spammed and spat. I da bomb is? Angus asked with wide eyes. You da bomb is, WUUN! Angus cried as he streaked past Barron Geddon into the cave tunnel. He had eyeballed that place as safe earlier. It had everything he wanted in a blow-up spot. It was away from everyone, had a low ceiling and was close.
Mouthcox waved his arms frantically at Angus. Go da ovah way! the tiny Shaman demanded. NO! Dat is my spot! Angus declared and continued to run towards Mouthcox. I cant warm and fuzzy you dat far away, SuzyQ shouted at Angus. Turn awound! Mouthcox demanded again. Angus stood a few yards past Barron Geddon, not quite at the tunnel entrance yet. He wasnt sure where to go anymore. He looked around nervously and his eyes fell on the still smoldering corpse of Peashooter. I dun wanna be da bomb!
Angus shoot up through the air. Grabbing his salt, n00bhatcher rushed underneath Angus. Barely holding on to his life, Angus began to fall. He felt all warm and fuzzy as he descended and landed with a thud. Grinning from ear to ear, the little Tauren kicked n00bhatcher in the shin before bandaging himself.
Kenny was now taunting and kicking Barron Geddon. He was doing a pretty good job of it, thankyouverymuch when Ironbinky called out, SuzyQ da bomb is! Evidently, all of her healing powah was really irritating the fire lord.
Calmly, SuzyQ turned around and started to walk towards the low ceiling behind her. Pweese hewah me, Daisy. Dank you, she calmly stated. She held up her Divinity Didies with one hand and calmly strode to the cavern wall and sat down.
She was dead before she even hit the ceiling.
Angus was still taunting and fighting Barron Geddon when waves of flame began to pulsate out in rings. Mouthcox was running over to where SuzyQ fell, ignoring the stream of foul curses that he was receiving from SuzyQ. Daisy looked bewildered as she stared at the burned and crispy corpse of SuzyQ.
OOOOWWWW! Kenny called out as wave after wave of fire roasted him alive.
Daisy turned back to Kenny in time to see him fall over, cooked alive inside his mis-matched bunny suit. Mouthcox had just started to rez SuzyQ when Lilly was turned into the bomb.
You da bomb is, Lilly! NOOooOooo! she screamed as she ran around in circles. There was no where to run! She panicked and continued to run in circles. WUUN! Ironbinky called out. She was dangerously close to Moutchcox, who was rezzing their main healer who died right next to Daisy. I *AM* WUNNIN! she screamed as she did another lap around her shadow. WUN *AWAY* n00b!
Lilly stopped long enough to give Ironbinky a very rude glare. Then she exploded. SuzyQ, who was just rezzed, died again. Mouthcox was reduced to less than 10 hit points, daisy was dead and Lilly somehow died on the ceiling.
Barron Geddon, having killed the two tanks and two main healers along with the out of combat rezzer Laughed as he streaked towards Brittle.
Barron Geddon chased him, laughing a deep, infernal laugh. Brittle continued to flee but inadvertently led the Barron into the midst of the Ranged DPS cluster. The Barron stopped and began to shoot out rings of fire after making Brittle the bomb.
You da bomb is, Brittle! I da bomb is? he replied, shocked. Yes do you see da fiyah all awound you?! Ironbinky shot back. Uh hu, Brittle replied, looking down at himself. DEN WUUN! Ironbinky slapped his hands over his eyes and shook his head sadly as Brittle exploded next to Frosty, killing them both.
Waves of fire were streaking out of Barron Geddon taking out several hunters, mages and warlocks that could not run fast enough to get out of the flames. There were precious few healers left and although they were doing their best to keep the remaining raid members alive, too much damage had been done already. Their main healers were down, their out of combat rezzer was no longer out of combat no wait, he just died too and the tanks were dead along with most of their DPS.
Barron Geddon was at 98% health.
Ironbinky walked over to the Barron and kicked at the fire lord. Just kewl me, he said sadly. The Barron did.
-- Several minutes later.
I hear my mommy callin me, Peashooter stated flatly, holding his hearthstone up to his ear. His kitty was missing huge patches of fur, was still smoking and twitching violently. He stoned home.
Awight ebeybody, wets just go home, Ironbinky declared sadly. Dat wuz just paphetic, he admitted.
Thirty nine little people disappeared one by one. There was no dancing. School was in session and the Kingergartners failed. There was always tomorrow, however
Chapter 19: RegroupingEdit
The next morning after the lesson in humility found the kindergartners gathered around the slide at recess. The air was crisp and clean, as it always was in Azeroth, and the toddlers had their heads together under the pretense of helping one another succeed against Barron Geddon. It really turned into a gripe fest with fingers being pointed at one another.
You bwew us aww up! Ironbinky declared loudly while jabbing a finger into Brittles chest. I did not bwow ebewyone up, he retorted. Juss a few ob yas. As if that was somehow acceptable. You keeled me, Mouthcox said angrily at Lilly. And SuzyQ too! he added with a nod. SuzyQs eyes shot daggers at Daisy. I wooduhnt be ded if da Daisy woodah healed me wike she was sposeded to! Her arms were folded tightly around her chest and her eyebrows met somewhere near the top of her nose. The tiny troll was pissed.
This continued for a few more minutes before Ironbinky regained control. It took him that long to regain control of himself.
Awight peepow, we know we can do bettah.
As he was talking, a small, smoldering kitty took a dump on his shoes. Peashooters eyes showed a hint of joy for a very brief moment before reverting back to the sorrow that had filled him all morning. His baby was hurting and he couldnt do anything about it really. His orc eyes were bloodshot and his nose was a very dark green from the constant nose blowing. The little tabby was airborne before Peashooter could do anything. Apparently, Ironbinky removed the doo doo on his shoe by kicking the kitty away. Tabby didnt make a sound as it sailed through the air. It just landed and walked down the hill with his tail in the air as if to say, talk to the butt. Peashooter followed making coo-chee-coo-chee noises.
Angus stood up and slowly walked into the middle of the circle. His somber Tauren stride gathered the attention of the bickering little people. We can do dis, he said slowly. We juss hab ta do it. Nods and agreement came from the group. Ironbinky was about to state loudly that he had just said that, but decided against it. Having everyone willing to try again was the goal and it didnt really matter how they all came to that conclusion.
Ironbinky pulled Suzy-Q aside before recess had ended. His face was serious and she looked timidly up at the forsaken raid leader. Suzy-Q, Ironbinky started tentatively, Your warm fuzzies are wondermous. Suzy-Q narrowed her eyes. She knew what was coming. But -
Uh uh, she stated flatly, cutting Ironbinky off. I am not gonna respect ovah to awl heawin. No ways!
You awr a monstah for eben tinking abowt making me respect! Bastahd! And with that, she stomped off.
Ironbinky wanted to cry. Raid leaders dont cry though. So he walked over to the cat the crapped on his feet and gave it a solid boot in the butt. It worked. He felt better. Peashooter made a note in a tiny notebook and then grinned at Ironbinky in a most eerie manner.
Chapter 20: Traitor!Edit
That afternoon, bribes paid and joy ride to Molten Core complete, the little people found themselves, once again, facing the twin giants that guard the entrance. They knew what to do and they did it with a purpose. Their tiny fingers wiggling at full speed to throw spooky bolts or toss warm fuzzies. Twitchy was going full speed on rump of the giants while n00bhatcher messed around with his gear, trying to make his bony body look more buff than it really was. In short order, the toddlers found themselves in Garrs chamber, made empty by their efforts.
Ebewyone got der buffsezes? Ironbinky asked. Nods and calls for one more of this or one more of that went out until everyone was all sparkly and glowy. Even the pets got smarter. Awight, pull da Bawon to us Peashootah, Ironbinky asked.
Nuh uh, came the orcs reply.
Whadduya mean, nuh uh? Ironbinky couldnt believe what he was hearing. This was downright treasonous.
I mean NO! The hunter bent down to pet his beloved kitty. You cant make me and I aint a gunna do it! The orc even stuck out his tongue.
This just wasnt going to do. Not do at all. Ironbinky paced around with his hand behind his back, pondering how to fit an entire guild up Peashooters rear end. Sideways would hurt more, but there wouldnt be enough room for everyone. Hmm.
I I Ill pull, piped up a shaking little voice from the back. Everyone turned to the voice and saw not a hunter, but a rogue. Twitchy stood there, shaking only slightly, with a grin that jerked around on his face like an epileptic ballerina.
Ironbinky looked at the insane rogue with awe. Truly, his mind was gone. How do ya spose youll pull da Bawon?
Twitchy just smiled his jerky smile. Ill out wun him! /flex Oooh! Sooo strong!
The other hunters, who were nameless to the Raid Leader, hid while Ironbinky stared at Twitchy. Evidently, hunters have a fierce aversion to pulling in Molten Core, even though, according to Ironbinky, thats all that they are really good for in the first place.
Finally, seeing no other choice, Ironbinky conceded and nodded at Twitchy.
He was off like a flash through the tunnel.
Moments later Twitchy came back through the tunnel, singed and smoking but grinning like a mad man. Hes commmmin! Woooohoooo!!
Sure thing, trailing behind the jerking rogue was the tower of fire known as Barron Geddon.
YOU DA BOMB IZ TWITCHY!
The rogue stopped dead in his tracks and grinned malevolently. He then dashed over to Peashooter and gave him a great big bear hug. Peashooter was petting his kitty still and was totally caught off guard. The stunned pig eyes of Peashooter looked into the red, glowing eyes of Twitchy; fire swirling all around the Forsaken Rogue.
Traitor. Was all that Twitchy said before blowing Peashooter and the kitty up into tiny bits. Twitchy got many warm and fuzzies on his way down and managed to land with more health then he was rocketed up into the air with. Everyone looked away though as Twitchy pulled out the salt and went to work on Peashooter. That was just a little too much. Warranted, but too much to witness.
Angus ran up and told Barron Geddon that real men wear pants. Geddon decided at that point to stop and release a series of burning farts that forced Angus to run away holding his nose. Once he was out of the rings of fire, his little helper was there adjusting his ears and tail just so. He blushed and blew a kiss before charging back at the Barron. This time he questioned if Ragnaros remembered to put a stem on Geddons apple or not. That pulled the Barron off of Suzy-Q and right back on Angus.
Brittle was in the back with the rest of the wiggly fingers and nameless hunters when he saw n00bhatcher stacking coins in neat little piles. Skewse me, but der is a iddle FIGHT going on bout now!
Looking up innocently, n00bhatcher started to protest about how rogues cant do any damage against the Barron when Twitchy ran past them screaming something that may have resembled a battle cry if it would have come out coherently. Their eyes followed the rogue as he ran in, whacked the Barron a few times then turned around and ran back between them. Chest heaving (not really sure why, its not like he needed to breathe or anything), Twitchy spoke heatedly; Dis is great!
Rings of fire shot back out from the Barron just then. Pulses of fire one after the other. Twitchy got down as if he were on starter blocks. As the last pulse faded, he was off like a shot, screaming something unintelligible again.
At that precise moment, Brittle started to scream too. He danced around in a circle screaming, It BURNS us! No one knew what he was talking about but he kept kicking his fel puppy yelling, Get it OFF!.... ARGHHHH!
Bolts and spit-wads continued to fly at the Barron as Twitchy (and occasionally n00bhatcher) ran back and forth whacking at the Barron. Spooky Bolts rained down on the mass of fire and people ran to the corners to blow up when it was their turn. Most of them got healed from Suzy-Q, determined to prove that she was perfectly capable of healing while retaining all her shadowy goodness.
And then it happened.
Barron Geddon fell to the Kindergartners of Doom.
There was much cheering and great rejoicing. Peashooter was assured that he would get no points for the boss cuz he was dead the whole fight. That pleased nearly everyone.
WOOTZ! Ironbinky cried out loudly. Unsure of how to respond, n00bhatcher let out a quiet yay and was content with that.
[Burned Up Book] and [Angry Dirt Shoulder Pads]! Was called out. Cheers and moans followed. Eventually, it was agreed that Brittle should get the ashen book and Mouthcox, since he did actually heal someone at least once, can get the dirty football gear. Warm fuzzies surrounded the children as they skipped around in circles.
Chapter 21: Waba PacksEdit
The revelry of the tiny tots was cut short by a gasp from their fearful leader, Ironbinky. He threw the Molten Core by the Numbers coloring book onto the ground and began to jump up and down on it. Ooohs and ahhhs slipped from the mouths of the small children as they tried to remember the curses that spilled from his little Forsaken mouth.
No one *really* wanted to know what was making him so upset.
Eventually he settled down enough to address the raid group. His little pale blue forehead was a knot of consternation. Waba Packs, he said simply.
Gasps and alarm rippled through the raid group. It was shortly replaced by bewildered looks and head shaking. Asleep on the cave floor, n00bhatcher started to snore. SuzyQ was not shy however. Whaddabowt waba packs? she asked with her hands upon her hips. We keeled Wucifwon, we keeled Maggymadar, we keeled Gehemmas, we keeled Gawr and da Geddon is dead to. We can do amyfing we want now! Were weet!
Cheers broke out amongst the kindergartners at SuzyQs rallying speech. Then they looked at Ironbinky, still knotted up and looking most petulant. Angus was already trying to slip out of his bunny suit but one sharp look from Ironbinky made his hands fall to his sides with a sigh. Daisy was making cow eyes at the tiny tank and seemed oblivious to the whole waba erm lava pack exchange.
Ironbinky took the colander off of his head and stood on it so that everyone could get a better view of him. He needed their attention and the pituitary mutant Taurens were just too tall. Standing nearly a full four inches taller now, he was at least on an even keel with Angus as he spoke to the gathered weet raid group.
Waba packs are fwee or fowah baddies aww at once. Nodda one, nodda two FOWAH! He held up five fingers to emphasis his point then lowered one hastily.
We can bamish da rocky fhings, but dat weewl still weave at weast one or two baddies. He paused for dramatic effect. I dunno if we can do eet.
The lack of confidence he showed was an attempt to generate enthusiasm. It was to try and motivate his people. He was hoping that they would demand that they try. Rah rah and sally forth and all that.
They agreed with him.
Yeah, dat sounds too hawd, one anonymous member spoke up. Wight. We can farm the first bosses, wets just weeb and come back when da fhing wesets and get more woots. I hate wearing my fire wesist gewah anyway, more than one person piped up.
Murmurs of approval at the farming strategy spread with much head nodding. No one seemed to notice Ironbinky jumping up and down on his colander. Finally, Ironbinky wandered away from sight as the raid group continued to agree with itself.
And then it happened. A blur of grey, black and blue streaked past the raid group assembled at the mouth of the tunnel. A hollow cackle was heard as Twitchy ran through the tunnel towards the bad guys. Ironbinky looked pleased as he put his money purse back in his pack.
Everyone turned towards the cave opening in time to see Twitchy fly through the air and land in a heap. He was cackling manically as he sprung back up to his feet and rushed the lone Surger. The raid group turned their impressive might onto the Surger and dispatched it readily.
Ironbinky tapped Peashooter on the shoulder and looked down at the petrified, fried kitty that shook and peed all over the Orcs boots. You weewy gonna hab a wogue do da puwwin in hewr? The stout little Orc looked over at the twitching, drooling rogue. His eyes then fell upon the still sleeping n00b.
Tenderly slowly Peashooter picked up his trembling cat and kissed it ever so gently upon its tiny little head. Tabbys ears folded back slightly, eyes wide and dark. The two looked at each other for a long, silent moment. Each shed a small tear and with a last little peck on the head, Peashooter set the little kitty on the cold, damp floor of Molten Core. And off the kitty went.
There are few sounds that properly mimic the agony of the soul. To try and describe that sound would do it an injustice. Let it suffice to say, everyone lowered their heads for a moment and give Tabby a moment of silence as Peashooter released the sound that all who have duly suffered would recognize as their own.
- moment of silence please. Thank you.*
In come two rampaging elemental monstrosities. Obsidian giants tear towards the raid group before being shut down by Brittle and his dps drooling lock-mates. A Fireguard come ripping for Angus, but is distracted by Ironbinkys taunt of Get-on said you werent even a spark worth stepping on! Angus headed for the Firewalker and was glad that his bunny suit was on. Flame poured over him and roasted his little hooves, but otherwise he was untouched. The smell of OMGBBQ Taurenzoz woke up n00bhatcher, who promptly decided he wanted to be close to Angus and began to tickle the Firewalker with his tableware.
The raid group was spread out all over the place. Some were wondering well were mindlessly pounding on the banished creatures. Others were beating on the two fire elementals and no progress was being made. Ironbinky shouted at them all to get their heads out of their didees and kill the Firewalker. Most of them did and soon the Firewalker was beginning to weaken with appreciable speed.
Does dis one make da baybees? SuzyQ asked with anguish plain upon her face.
Noow dis oof one is allOW bad, Ironbinky finally got out. He didnt much like getting beat on by a fire elemental but wanted to make sure that SuzyQ was at the top of her game.
A deep, low voice reserved for the most fierce of creatures came from the tiny, pony tailed troll child. gooooood. Warm and fuzzies flew out of her hands. Sighs and coos were heard from the pack of deviants attacking the lava pack. Innerwade!!
INNERWADE!!! SuzyQ screamed.
Daisy turned a deep brown.
A tiny voice fell onto the floor. Nearly unheard, it sat there meekly. I respecced for peeveepee.
The Firewalker fell.
So did Angus.
OMG! SuzyQ shrieked. You keewled Angus! Daisy, you bastahd!
Ironbinky was about to die when Mouthcox looked up from the Molten Core by the Numbers book discarded by Ironbinky earlier. He flippantly tossed a heal on Ironbinky, threw down a mana-tide for SuzyQ, chucked a FROSTSHOCK at the last fire elemental, stealing the kill, and continued reading.
When the two obsidian surgers came out of their banish, they were instantly pounced upon and killed. Ironbinky was about to turn to congratulate the raid group when a purple streak flew in front of him.
Evidently, Daisys respec was taken personally by SuzyQ. Leaping through the air, the angry troll had once again gone full shadow and was flying for the face of Daisy.
Walking back for the dead Angus, looking entirely too innocent, n00bhatcher pulled out the goblin screenie capture device and started to take pictures of what he lovingly referred to as cat-fight gold.
Fur and purple spooky bolts were flying. Words such as traitor, beyatch (whatever that means), poo poo head and a variety of other words that Kindergartners shouldnt know, flooded from the mouth of the irate toddler priestess.
The raid group, for the most part, watched. They silently agreed that resto droods warrant a special kind of love the other types not so much. Mouthcox actually was clapping. Okay, that was perhaps a bit *too* much support, but no one really tried to stop him.
Feral is da bomb! was heard between fists and spooky bolts. I have more mana I can peeveepee now too Other excuses came out between furious blows. In the end, there was a dead Daisy and a very angry shadowpriestess.
No one pointed out that SuzyQ was shadow specced. No one *ever* pointed that out to SuzyQ. Not now, not later, not ever.
Having destroyed one lava pack with little loss of life, the Kindergartners of Doom decided that perhaps they were hasty in their desire to leave Molten Core just yet. Peashooter was feeling useful again. He managed to convince SuzyQ to put a little bubble-o-love around his Tabby in the vain hope that the kitty would somehow survive pulling the lava packs.
Several long and painful pulls later, the call for removing fire resist gear went out. The simple statement was met with great rejoicing by the raid group. No one cheered as loudly as Angus, however. The bunny suit was off in a hurry and much to Daisys delight, Angus treated the raid to a dance while wearing nothing more than a baby Tauren sized didie. Her eyes were wide and her blush was a very dark brown by the time Angus put his tanking gear back on.
Somewhere during the dance, Ironbinky covered the strategy for killing Shazzrah. Angus and Daisy had no idea what he said but they noticed that everyone was in a large circle and Peashooter was at the mouth of the tunnel setting his tabby cat off at a full sprint. By the looks of most of the raid group, very few people had been paying attention. Crazy Hawt Cyborz is a sure way to get a raid killed.
- the narrator looks around nervously before continuing the story*
- an echoing cough spreads throughout Molten Core causing the children to look up and question the presence of god.*
Peashooter kicked a rock and cursed loudly as he took his position cowering behind Angus. In strode a huge lizard-man thing much like Gehemmas. Peashooter let off a rude gesture before fleeing to the safety of the circle of militant mini-horde.
Suddenly, there was a blinding white light. Peashooter felt a wave of pain cover his body like falling into cold water. He saw a vision of his beloved Tabby pass before his eyes. His mother holding a warm bottle of Tauren milk flashed next, followed by a long tunnel with a white light at the end. He needed to get to the light. He had to get to the darkness.
WHAT wuz DAT!?! Daisy cried out as the brilliant white light faded around Shazzrah, only to erupt anew. Its kewwling da Angus! Warm fuzzies flew from her fingers as fast as she could manage it but it was a slow, long process for each one.
Suddenly Shazzrah was no longer in front of Angus. It just suddenly appeared in front of Diasy and beat her over the head with a huge staff. She moo-ed out in pain just as another wave of white pain shot out in all directions. Running blindly, Daisy pulled Shazzrah with her. White hot nukes flew from the baddie as it followed Daisy, ripping through the raid.
Daisy entered into Teddy form to try and survive, but the fluff filled cuddeliness was not enough. The arcane explosions tore through the softness and the last thing Daisy saw was a brilliant white light followed by a staff to the head. Slumped on the ground, curled up in a little ball and unmoving, was a teddy bear with a little bow on its tail.
Lizard laughter boomed out of Shazzrah as it turned to find more victims. Angus, upon seeing Daisy fall, seemed to grow six feet tall. He reared back and let out a blood curdling shout. He hefted his shield and ran at Shazzrah yelling all sorts of foul things.
Soon, Angus and Shazzrah were going at it toe to toe in the middle of the circle again. Everyone else was well away from the two as they shot their blowguns and threw spooky bolts at the big lizard. A sort of rhythm was established and Ironbinky nodded confidently to himself.
Shazzrah was gone and instantly reappeared towering over Mouthcox. White light flashed, crippling everyone standing anywhere near the troll Shaman. Brittle fell, Fraile dropped like a rock. Nerfhoof peed himself a little, which, from a tauren, is quite a lot actually. Mouthcox just flat up and died before Ironbinky called Shazzrah a hem-affro-dide and pulled the baddie back to the center of the circle.
Now Mouthcox was more than a little bent. Shazzrah had caused him to die, which meant a repair bill and that was just unnaceppable! Using one of this costly ankh thingies, Mouthcox rezzed himself and threw every plank and splinter of wood he could find at the ebil lizard. That actually inspired n00bhatcher to stand up and contemplate hitting Shazzrah with something the decision was taking some time, but he *was* seriously thinking about it.
Ironbinky ran away, bravely, once Angus had control over the giant lizard. There was plenty of heat getting thrown down range at the lizard in the middle when all of the sudden, Shazzra decided that SuzyQ was da kewtness and needed to die. Standing toe to toe with the lizard, SuzyQ turned full shadow yet again. Nerfhoof and Nouthcox smothered her in warm fuzzies as SuzyQs ponytails swung with purple smoking fury.
Shazzrahs face began to slowly melt.
Angus grabbed Shazzrah by the short and curlies and pulled it off of SuzyQ, who was still bombarding the lizard with all things spooky and ebil. Shazzrahs face was a mess now. An eye was hanging loose, its nose had slid down over its mouth and more was melting every second.
Kewl da ebil wizzard! SuzyQ cried out in a voice so husky it could draw a sled. Keeeewl eeeeht!
Shazzrah blinked again to SuzyQ but by this time, there was nothing on its face that even resembled a face. It was so thoroughly melted that Angus had to look away while trying to pull the lizard off of SuzyQ. A last snowball from Mouthcox did the trick and Shazzrah fell at the feet of SuzyQ and Angus. Looking around, they noticed that there were only a handful of their class members left alive.
Wictowy! SuzyQs deep, haunting voice proclaimed. Angus just nodded and looked at the trail of melted face parts dribbled along the cavern floor. He made it a few steps before he lost his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Once the raid was all rezzed, Ironbinky took a look at the loot that dropped and called it out to the raid group. Wed Stick-o-Shocking and Swippers ob Diwiniddity
There was a long discussion about who should get what but mostly, everyone was too tired to continue. Someone got the slippers and there was a weak little cheer. Someone else got the wand to more week cheers. They were long past their nap time and grumpiness was about to ensue. Grabbing their hearthstones from their knapsacks, the kindergartners stoned home in time for a short nap before snack.
The next morning all of the toddlers gathered for class. Slowly they dragged their tired bodies into the classroom and flopped down lethargically into their tiny desks. Angus and Nerfhoof barely fit in their desks, but this morning the desks were snuggly comfortable.
Before Angus could put his head on his desk and take a well deserved nap, he felt something slide under his arm. Curious, he reached under his thick arm and felt a folded piece of paper. Looking around nervously, he carefully unfolded the paper with his massive fingers. Written in pink crayon were large, curvy letters.
I fink you are kewt. Do you fink I am kewt? YES
It was signed with a crude but adorable drawing of a pink daisy.
It is difficult to tell if a Tauren is blushing. But Angus was definitely blushing. His large ears wilted. His elbows retracted to his sides. His hooves crossed and uncrossed only to cross again under his desk. His head sunk low and turned shyly to look over at Daisy sitting a few desks away.
Brittle sat between them and was the conveyor of the note. He just rolled his eyes at Angus before burying his face in a picture book about soul sucking. Angus didnt even notice. He was trying to look at Daisy without it being obvious he was looking at Daisy, which, of course, failed miserably.
Then Daisy blushed. It was nearly a perfect reflection of Angus blush, except that her eyelashes seem to have grown nearly a foot. They batted up and down rapidly, as if trying to fan her cheeks. And then she made a kissy face causing Angus to jerk his obvious stare to the note. A shaking hand circled YES with a brown crayon before he handed it to Brittle to pass back.
The teacher was saying something
Now, my little hordelings, please look up here. Todays lesson is how to properly impale a gnome.
Bah! Another Skewring class. Everyones mind drifted off into Molten Core and what lay in store for them next. Mentally they were calculating the phat wootz that may be in store for them, how to get them and who they needed to stab in the back to get them. Ironbinky was only concerned with not getting crushed like a g#@!& on the bosses that they have left in there. That was a drawback to being a warrior, he realized. Sure, you got lots of warm fuzzies, but your survival was in direct proportion to the ability of your healers to know what they were doing. He was beginning to wonder if perhaps the KoDs had bitten off more than they could chew.
A gong rang. Recess.
Fourty screaming kids ran through the hallway and out into the lawn. Their wails of jubilance drifted off to very quiet little squeels of delight as they approached the Headmaster. He was a most impressive Tauren that carried a beat stick the size of Azashra. Once they were a few feet past him, their shouts rose up to ear-splitting again.
Ironbinky made it over to the teeter-killer first and ducked under the impaling spike that hung over one of the seats before running to the middle of the beam. Making a gathering motion to the class, he waited for them to assemble before speaking. Awight. Goh-wah-mag is next on owah keewl wist. Cheers broke out. Buht! he broke in, we need to geht to da Goh-wah-mag first dough. Dat is gonna take some time. So, we maybe not a-gunna git much furdder.
The cheers stopped.
Waaaaait, n00bhatcher called out. You mean ta tewl us dat we gonna be spennin a wotta time in da Cowah and only gonna maybe keel one bossy fing?! His tiny, boney fists were clenched.
Ironbinky looked down at the little Forsaken. Staring, Ironbinky didnt answer at first. Eventually, he decided that if one person said it, others may be thinking it, so he couldnt just ignore the twit. Yeah, dats whuddi mean. Its a wong way to da Gohwahmag and wez godda fight fru eberyting all obah again!... DUH!
General agreement, in the form of protracted Os, helped Ironbinky to regain calm. Id all depens on how wong it takes us to get to Gohwahmag. Ifn we can keel heem dead wewwy wewwy fast, den maybe we can mob on to Sulfurryon or sumptin.
Nods met his statement before a large orange ball knocked Ironbinky off of the teeter-killer. Thirty-nine sets of eyes turned to look at where the ball had come. Standing tall, a massively huge Tauren laughed a deep, mocking laugh.
Fird gwadahs, Kenny cursed under his breath. Low growls gathered around the now very angry and very focused kindergartners. Behind the aggressing Tauren were a few of his friends. They did not number more than five, but they were huge.
Ironbinky picked himself up and dusted off his corduroy jumper. His tiny little eyes narrowed as he gathered everyone around him. Whispers flew around the huddled children. Heads nodded. SuzyQs head poked over the clustered kids. She stuck her tongue out at the pack of bullies before putting her head back in the huddle.
As one, the kids separated. Someone handed Ironbinky the orange ball. He strode up the knoll and stood toe to hoof with the Tauren. You dwopped yowah bahwl, he stated clearly while looking nearly straight up into the eyes of his adversary.
Suddenly, SuzyQ turned into a purple ghost and made the most horrendous face anyone could possible see and still keep their spirit in their body. All of the Tauren bullys friends fled in terror as if their hair was on fire. Brittles fingers wiggled and the Tauren seemed to shrink and wither. Frosty wiggled his fingers and the bully was suddenly trapped in ice from his knees down. A small tabby cat came from no where and growled furiously as it clawed its way up the bully and sunk its fangs into the Taurens inner thigh.
Ironbinky kicked the Tauren right in the nay-nays as SuzyQ flew over his head and landed on the bullys face. Fur flew as spooky bolts, snowballs, spit-wads and frost flew into the side and chest of the bully. A quickly growing pile was forming over the now screaming bully as his friends continued to run, panic stricken.
Dazed, the Kindergartners of Doom found themselves being carried to the Headmasters Office. He was carrying twenty under each arm and kicking the bully up the hill and back into the school. Molten Core may have to wait a while longer if their parents found out about the little fight.
Fourty little voices were quietly pleading for mercy. Each time the Headmaster took a step, a collective grunt came from the side of the Headmaster. Right hoof; grunt; pleading. Left hoof; grunt; pleading from the other side.
Before the half-pint world eaters knew what hit them, they found themselves on the play mat in front of the Head Masters desk. All of the toys were put away and out of sight. Even the Gnome Pin Cushion was gone. This was serious.
The huge Tauren behind the desk fingered his horns thoughtfully as he looked down upon the forty anxious and slightly terrified students. The only sound in the room came from the bulls huffing through his flared nostrils.
Occasionally Peashooter would gulp rather loudly. Angus was just a mess. If it was possible, his horns had drooped, his ears had wilted down past his shoulders and his bottom lip was somewhere in his lap. He was one sad bull-boy.
Finally the Head Master spoke up. The voice was rich and strong. He was looking firmly at Ironbinky now. Dark, deep black eyes penetrated Ironbinky. "You there leader?" The Tauren referenced his notes then looked back at the tiny Forsaken. "Ironbinky, is it?"
"Yessssir," came the rapid yet slurred response. Now Ironbinky was doing the gulping.
"How do you learn to fight like that?" The Head Master gestured to the entire room of little people splayed out over the play mat. When met with nervous looks and glances from one kindergartner to the other, the Head Master narrowed his eyes. A long grunty-type noise escaped from the principal. It was a cross between an Mmmmm and a Moooooo.
"You little ones have been raiding, havent you?" He asked at last.
Twenty little people lied instantly while the other twenty caved in under the impressive and intimidating gaze of their head master. N00bhatcher threw himself at the foot of the desk, pleading for mercy. He blamed everyone for making him go. It was all their fault, he swore. He begged not to be sent back to pre-school. Ironbinky kicked the little rogue in the face, trying to mute the wailing.
Once the commotion died down (all the head master had to do was stand up and everyone shut up) Ironbinky stood as tall as he could and looked up into the eyes of the head master. "Yessir, weve been waiding." Even though Ironbinky wanted to plead for mercy, he could not let his people see weakness in him. He didnt want them thinking it was okay to ram a crayon up his nose or anything. Not that hes ever done anything like that to anyone very much.
The look on the head masters faced changed from one of concern to of great delight. He sprang from his chair and closed the door. Quickly sitting on the floor Indian style in the center of the children, he beamed a smile at every one of them.
"How far have you gotten?"
Stunned, Ironbinky muttered the letters M.C. before being interrupted again.
"Oh! Molten Core! Thats outstanding! I used to tank ya know! I did! I was in and I gotta tell ya, it was a blast!"
Eighty eyeballs blinked.
"How far have you gotten in Molten Core? Have ya fought Geddon yet? Hes hard to tank I tell you what. Why, back in my day we didnt have it as easy as you guys do now..."
--- many long minutes later ---
Standing up from the circle the Tauren wiped his eyes after telling the children of how painful Vaelstraz was. He blew his nose like a freight-train horn before putting his hand on the door knob.
"You kids be good now. No more kicking the holy hell out of the older kids. It doesnt look good to have fighting in the school. It looks even worse when a team of kindergartners beats up some third graders. I have to tell this kids parents how half of his face was melted off and trust me, you do NOT want to talk to HIS parents. Id rather tank Onyxia again!"
Angus blushed. The head master patted the tiny taurens head firmly before opening the door.
"And I dont want to see that ever again, you bad, bad kids!" He said that a bit too loudly, but the kids knew that they owned him. As they walked out, the head master pulled Ironbinky aside and whispered to him. "I never did get the stupid [Belt of Tankiness]. If ya come across a spare one, would ya mind? Sorta like a souvenir sorta thing."
Ironbinky nodded. Its always about the loot, the tiny raid leader muttered to himself. With a sigh, he headed to Cannibalize and You class.
--22.214.171.124 16:14, 24 April 2007 (UTC)